My eye-catching title up there is supposed to (eventually) be read ironically. Thanks to Macon Dawg over at our SBNation sister-blog Dawg Sports , Knowshon Moreno was disciplined in 2006 for a dorm-room noise violation. He was "sentenced" to write a 2-page essay on noise pollution. The hilarious result can be found here. Thank you, open records laws and/or Freedom of Information Act.
I know you're expecting Knowshon Moreno to be somewhat dimwitted, but you are wrong. In reading his essay and the facts surrounding it, it is clear that Moreno is actually a rather expressive writer. And what he's expressing is contempt for his assignment. Let's list some points:
1. The content of his essay is sarcastic. Statements in the report include the following: "After taking time to research about the harmful effects of noise pollution, it was time consuming and boring, yet educational. It was a little ridiculous to research about noise, because it is common sense what noise is, but I continued to read on;" and "I am very sorry for the inconvenience and therefore I'll be moving off campus next year." He definitely didn't get one of his tutors to write it for him, because they would have been much more contrite on his behalf than he was.
2. He didn't bother to proof-read it. There are spelling and grammatical mistakes throughout the short essay. At first glance, one is tempted to think, "Oh, it's just a dumb jock," but no. Like I said, his writing is clear and expressive, and you definitely get an overall "theme" in his writing. This would suggest a fairly high order of organizational writing skills uncommon in any college freshman, much less a college freshman jock. Instead, I conclude from the spelling and grammatical mistakes that they were another manifestation of his contempt for the assignment.
3. Despite repeated requests and clear instructions, he refused to format the essay correctly. He was asked to supply the essay in a Word document with certain fonts and margins. Instead, he just emailed the text of the report. After several requests for him to format it correctly, the disciplining body apparently gave up on him. Again, one concludes from the overall apparent intelligence level of the writing that he is plenty bright enough to understand and follow their instructions on formatting. He just chose not to.
4. At his little dorm party, there were 7 guys and 4 girls. This means there was almost a 2-to-1 guy to girl ratio. What kind of football star is he? Granted, this was in 2006 when he was redshirting and no one had ever heard of him, but still. Two guys for every girl. You can do better than that.