Bloviating Gone Amuck

Richard already has the sober, analytical previews of all of the SEC action this weekend.  There’s really not much I can add that’s worthwhile because A) Pittman already covered it and B) he’s a lot smarter than I am. 

So, really, all I can add each week is blatant homerism and mockery.  Maybe a few truths will sneak their way through, but I wouldn’t count on it. 

VANDY at MIAMI(OH)
What it means to LSU: A Miami win would bring up recurring nightmares of the Game That Shall Never Be Mentioned, and a Vandy loss would be an embarrassing data point in the whole “the SEC is the toughest conference” argument.  Other than that, nothing.

Why I’ll watch: It’s Thursday and I actually get ESPNU.

What I expect: A pretty miserable football game.  Vandy is looking at one of its worst teams in years, which is saying something given that we’re talking about Vandy.  They need some early wins to stay ahead of Baylor and Duke in the annual Who Is the Worst Team in a BCS Conference? contest.

NC STATE at SOUTH CAROLINA
What it means to LSU: Not a damn thing.

Why I’ll watch: It promises to be more entertaining than Vandy struggling against a MAC team.

What I expect: USC’s offense can charitably be described as “sputtering”, but let’s not mince words: NC State stinks.  NC State is predicted to finish last in a very weak ACC.  If USC can’t win this game by two touchdowns, it does not bode well for the rest of the year.

GEORGIA SOUTHERN at GEORGIA
What it means to LSU: That we don’t have the biggest cupcake on the schedule in week one.  

Why I’ll watch it: For the off chance Moreno rushes for 1000 yards in one game. 

What I expect: Moreno to rush for 200 yards in the first half before taking the rest of the day off to go pick up co-eds. 

HAWAII at FLORIDA
What it means to LSU: Our first chance to see if Florida learned to play defense over the summer. 

Why I’ll watch it: Hawaii won’t be that good this year, but I’ll probably wake up, have a bowl of Cheerios, and watch Hawaii try and pass all over Florida’ secondary.  If they can, it could be a good sign for the SEC.  If they can’t, well, it’s Hawaii and who cares?

What I expect: A good old fashioned butt kicking.

APPALACHIAN ST at LSU
What it means to LSU: The first time we get to hear Pregame after a long summer.  A chance to see if Hatch can play quarterback.

Why I’ll watch it: Because it’s LSU. 

What I expect: ASU’s mobile QB will give our defense fits and the game will be uncomfortably close throughout.  Message boards will crash calling for Hatch to be strung up by his thumbs.  We eventually win by a safe margin and we have a whole night to keep tailgating. 

MISSISSIPPI STATE at LA TECH
What it means to LSU: To reassert our dominance as the only football program in the state worth a damn. 

Why I’ll watch: CROOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!

What I expect: The easiest win of Croom’s tenure.