Open Letter to My Texas Buddies

by Poseur on Nov 4, 2009 12:19 PM CST in Football Comment 32 comments

Dear Friends,

I know y'all think you are college football fans. You're from Texas and Texas thinks they invented everything. I get that. It's all bigger here. And I enjoy the ribbing between UT and A&M fans, not to mention the barbs thrown in from Tech fans and OU grads with the good sense to move out of Oklahoma. It's a lot of fun.

I also know that you love your significant other and you want to share this blessed event with all of your friends and family. And that's cool. I love weddings (just ask my ex-wives).

But I am about to attend Wedding #4 of this college football season, with Wedding #5 next week. Stop it. You can get married in the spring. Don't you know that you're causing me to DVR the friggin' Bama game? THE BAMA GAME. Despite what Billy says, it's only the biggest game of the season. Just because of that, I'm buying you something not on the registry that you can't return. Say hello to homemade pottery.

Next time, get married in the spring or summer. There's only three months of college football, the least you could do is schedule your weddings in the other nine months. Or else stop calling yourself football fans.

You're ruining this season for me.

Thanks,

Poseur

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I consider

a fall wedding date to mean my friends really don’t want me at their wedding. I went to one this year, but they had the good sense to schedule it during VT’s bye week.

A bullhorn, a bottle of whiskey and a dream. GobblerCountry.com

by furrer4heisman on Nov 4, 2009 12:32 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Lesson from 2005

Don’t expect a bye week to remain that way.

by shelby924 on Nov 4, 2009 1:03 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Agreed.

I am an Alabama alum and my brother and his wife scheduled their wedding the weekend of the Tennessee game one year. I told him he was lucky that it was a night game because I would’ve seriously considered missing his wedding. I was the best man.

Went to another wedding in ’99 and they actually had a television back in the fellowship hall and we watched the Alabama game with all the groomsmen up until the music started. We were playing Vanderbilt.

I got married in May, in the off-season, like God intended.

"So I want everybody to think here for a second, how much does this game mean to you? 'Cause if it means something to you, you can't stand still. You understand? You play fast! You play strong! You go out there and dominate the man you're playing against, and you make his ass quit! That's our trademark! That's our M.O. as a team! That's what people know us as!" - Coach Nick Saban before the 2008 LSU game.

by KayDub on Nov 4, 2009 12:38 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

It's been brutal

And I live in Texas. You’d think they would respect college football. But no. Further proof that Texas is not the South.

Fake Pundit. Real Fan.
http://www.andthevalleyshook.com

by Poseur on Nov 4, 2009 12:39 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

I suggest you watch the game and DVR the wedding

CHAD JONES! WOOOO!!!!

by The Bengal on Nov 4, 2009 12:57 PM CST reply actions 2 recs

This made me LOL

For real. Not “LOL” in the usual sense of just trying to recognize a joke was told.

Fake Pundit. Real Fan.
http://www.andthevalleyshook.com

by Poseur on Nov 4, 2009 4:45 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Terrible.

Although I have a gift suggestion. My cousin’s wedding was during the Final Four a few years back when we played Texas (in her defense who would have thought?). My uncles bought a TV, set it up for the game at the reception, boxed it back up afterwards, and sent it home with the bride and groom. That or I have some really horrible martini glasses from my wedding you are more than welcome to.

I got married in August. We did have a ‘reception’ like party the first week in September. LSU’s opener was UL Lafayette. We Pay-per-viewed it. Noticing a trend. My cousin who was married during LSU-Kentucky in 2007 also had an LSU game watched at her (dry) wedding, althuogh she was upset about it I think.

“Further proof that Texas is not the South.” – Indeed. Southern girls are still passionate about football after graduation.

by janepriceestrada on Nov 4, 2009 1:03 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

My cousin got married

that same game, LSU-Kentucky in 07. We watched most of it at the wedding, then drove as fast as we could to the hotel during halftime.

by Ianoka on Nov 4, 2009 7:39 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Yick

Hope there was an open bar to go with that stinker of a game.

by Billy Gomila on Nov 4, 2009 8:50 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

As if barbecuing a cow weren't proof enough...

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Nov 4, 2009 1:20 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

You ain't kidding

Texas barbeque is inferior. It kills me. I feel like I’m in a foreign country.

Fake Pundit. Real Fan.
http://www.andthevalleyshook.com

by Poseur on Nov 4, 2009 1:28 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

My ex was from TX

Needless to say when I met some of her folks in Lubbock, and they brought me brisket, I thought I was eating shoe leather with cayenne flavored ketchup.

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Nov 4, 2009 3:30 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

"Happiness

is Lubbock in my rearview mirror"

"Well Eli, Smokey just came out of the tunnel, and he's about 100 yards away from me now, and if I had my deer rifle I believe I could drop him, back to you Eli" -- Jerry Duncan's comments to Eli Gold just prior to kickoff against Tennessee

by Thomas Walker Esq on Nov 4, 2009 4:34 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Have to disagree there.

I find most of Louisiana is beef BBQ. Not down with that pig and vinegar crap.

by janepriceestrada on Nov 4, 2009 2:29 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I would like to sign this petition

I'm wrong all the time.

by PeteHoliday on Nov 4, 2009 1:24 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

It should be outlawed

in Alabama – last year was the TENNESSEE game for me

luckily no woman are dumb enough to marry any of my idiotic drunken friends recently, so this football season is secure but I feel your pain dood

If you have any obscure relatives your friends would never meet the could always “die” two days before the wedding

Terrence Cody eats your field goal!

by Wallacewade04 on Nov 4, 2009 1:48 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

In my family it's basically accepted principle

That if you hold a wedding on a Saturday in the fall, nobody will be there. If somebody tried it there’d be massive amounts of no-shows without any sympathy.

by Billy Gomila on Nov 4, 2009 1:49 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

And I won't even look at your registry, either

"Hollywood made a movie of my life. The film had me proposing to my wife on the football field. I would never misuse a football field that way." -Crazy Legs Hirsch

by Stuck in the Plains on Nov 4, 2009 3:31 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Make a donation in their name to the Tiger Athletic Fund...

…or the Human Fund if they’re Seinfeld fans.

CHAD JONES! WOOOO!!!!

by The Bengal on Nov 4, 2009 3:44 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

I say

(Assuming you’re a friend of the groom)
Get ’em the most man-centric, wifey-will-never-use-this-in-a-million- years gift possible, NOT from the registry, since the bride probably picked the day and frankly she should learn how these things work.

by Billy Gomila on Nov 4, 2009 4:02 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

I love this idea.

by Gas_House_Gorillas on Nov 5, 2009 9:08 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Haha yeah stuff like this blows

For some reason there was a girls choice dance Oct 10, at the same time as the Florida game. I wanted to kill someone

by Ianoka on Nov 4, 2009 7:40 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Just say no!

Gals love it when you play hard to get.

By the way, I’m guilty of having my wedding on game night. It was the game vs. Troy in 2004. At least it wasn’t a conference game, and it wasn’t televised (at least where I was living at the time).

by uberschuck on Nov 4, 2009 10:01 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Hahaha I SERIOUSLY considered it

I also asked my friend if he could run over my leg or something so I wouldn’t have to go.

by Ianoka on Nov 4, 2009 10:32 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Fake an illness

Syrup of ipecac is not out of the question if you’re really desperate.

by Totally Spoil on Nov 5, 2009 7:23 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

If you

CHAD JONES! WOOOO!!!!

by The Bengal on Nov 5, 2009 9:10 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Crap. SN really needs an edit function.

If you’re going to fake an illness, listen to the master.

Save Poseur!

CHAD JONES! WOOOO!!!!

by The Bengal on Nov 5, 2009 9:11 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

OK, one more time and then I give up.

Faking an illness

CHAD JONES! WOOOO!!!!

by The Bengal on Nov 5, 2009 9:12 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

The Bengal....

Dude, that’s just funny. :-)

by Totally Spoil on Nov 5, 2009 9:16 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

I fail the internets.

CHAD JONES! WOOOO!!!!

by The Bengal on Nov 5, 2009 9:18 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

October 15, 2005

Ring any bells? LSU 21, Florida 17. The day our daughter got married. I watched the first half in the bar of the venue where the wedding was held. Good thing it wasn’t a church eh. I missed the second half but was getting continual updates from my brother in laws (the semi-pro gambler) pager. Fortunately the Father of the Bride doesn’t have many responsibilities when it comes to the wedding. Write the checks, walk her down the aisle, say We Do and dance the Father Daughter dance… Joe Cocker’s You Are So Beautiful.

by Tiger6367 on Nov 5, 2009 9:52 AM CST reply actions 0 recs