From the GREAT STATE OF ALABAMA ...
Things to do during the bye week:
- Grab a boat and a fishing pole. Head to Destin, Fla., for the annual fishing rodeo. If you like cougars, AJs in the offseason is for you.
- Fast from football. There's the Brian Wilson's Beard. There's the MLS Cup Playoffs (Geaux Crew!). There's reruns of How I Met Your Mother.
- Eat cheese fries. You can never go wrong with cheese fries.
- Go to Dallas. The Cowboys host the Jaguars at Noon on Sunday. Afterwards, enjoy a three-hour break before taking in Game 4 of the World Series a block and a half away. While at the Ballpark at Arlington, ask Nolan Ryan if he can coach quarterbacks.
- New Orleans. Steelers vs. Saints. This should be self explanatory. If it's not, they've combined to win the last two Super Bowls. And it's New Orleans. On Halloween.
- Get wasted by yourself, eat corn and root for Iowa and Nebraska. Who doesn't like corn? Corn dogs then?
- Figure out the logistics of gutting all the old dorm rooms in Tiger Stadium and turning it into a hotel. Like you wouldn't stay at The Death Valley Hotel and visit the Huey Long Lounge in the lobby on Friday night before a game. Please figure this out. I'm begging you.
[Dan Borne voice] It's Cheers and Jeers on FRIDAY MORNING AT ANDTHEVALLEYSHOOK.COM!By the Numbers:
Days til Halloween: 2
College girls that will be dressing like sluts on Saturday night: 1 Bajillion
Days a year I miss college: 365
Chance you can sneak a fifth of Jim Beam into Jordan-Hare Stadium: 100%
Chance you'll need said fifth of Jim Beam: 100%
Times in the last 27 games LSU has gained fewer than 350 yards: 20
Sugar Bowl appearances by LSU teams with 2 or more losses this decade: 3
Passes thrown at LSU by Spencer Ware: 1
Passed thrown at LSU by Russell Shepard: 0
Les Miles Quote of the Week:
Q: Is there enough time in two weeks to put in enough plays (to fix the offense)?
Miles: Well, there's time. There's a lot to get accomplished in a short amount of time no matter how much time that is.
CHEERS to LSU's special teams. Outside of a punt return TD here and there, they can get lost in the shuffle while we cheer the defense and bash the offense week after week. But Saturday was one of the most impressive displays I've ever seen by a punting unit. Derek Helton and Josh Jasper deserve all kinds of credit, but so do the players hustling down field to down the ball, as well as special teams coach Joe Robinson. Thankfully he's an LSU alum and will hopefully turn down offers (which are certain to come) to leave his alma mater.
JEERS to confusing rooting interests. Obviously, it's in LSU's best interest to win out and have Auburn lose two more games so LSU can play in the SEC Championship Game. However, the second best option is for an undefeated Auburn to beat Alabama in the Iron Bowl. Under that scenario, Auburn would be national title-bound while both LSU and Alabama would be 10-2 at worst. You'd have to think the Sugar Bowl would take LSU as an at-large bid if at all possible. "Hello, Cats Meow. I'd like to reserve a table for Jan. 1-3. Thanks."
CHEERS to Auburn fans politeness. My Saturday on the Plains was greeted by many a cordial Auburn fan welcoming me to their lovely village. Now, if we can only get them to start cooking food at tailgates instead of bringing pre-made finger sandwiches. However, the clusterfuck of traffic all weekend was an unwelcome touch.
QUIT YOUR BITCHING to the NFL and NFLPA. Listen guys, we need you to get your act together. I'm not looking forward to another year of Cam Newton in an Auburn jersey. So, if you could figure out this little disagreement of yours so he can go pro, that would be great. Thanks.
CHEERS to the Upset of the Century [GONG!]. It was a mere 89 years ago today (in 1921 for the math majors) that Centre College pulled off the biggest upset college football had ever seen. The Colonels knocked off mighty Harvard, 6-0, that day in Cambridge in a game that stunned the college football world. If you've never been to Centre College, and I trust you haven't, you can't get far in any athletic facility without seeing some reference of C6-H0. Nothing quite like holding onto your 15 minutes of fame for nearly a century.
JEERS to a bye week after a loss. I think we all realize that LSU has had an emotional roller coaster of a season thus far and a week without a game is probably a good thing. However, nothing is worse than having that nasty taste in your mouth for two weeks leading up to the next game. It wouldn't be terrible to be playing UL-Monroe this week to get back up off the mat.
CHEERS to CougarLife.com and their awesome commercial. If it wasn't enough that there is actually a CougarLife.com dating site, it has the most catchy jingle ever:
I'm a cougar
She's a cougar
We're all cougars
Men love cougars
Don't you want to date a cougar too?
Maybe I'm just waaaay to excited about this website, but I can't get this out of my head.
JEERS to ESPN analyst Kordell Stewart. I don't care if Brett Favre is in a wheelchair, Tavaris Jackson does not give the Minnesota Vikings a better chance to win. I'm pretty sure Mark Schlereth got a bonus for restraining from bitch slapping Stewart on air after making that claim.
CHEERS to Brian Wilson and Mike Fontenot. The former Tigers have helped get the San Francisco Giants to within two wins of their first World Series title in 56 years. Fontenot is a role player who comes off the bench and gets the occasional start. Meanwhile, Wilson is the second coming of Mitch Williams, except with an epic beard. He's a little crazy and a little wild, but he has five postseason saves. And he has the beard, which I can't find any online pictures that do it justice.
Perhaps Wilson can seal the deal on Sunday night when I'm at the Ballpark at Arlington. Geaux Giants.
JEERS to campaign commercials. Enough already. How long til Wednesday?