Poseur Gets Married

I'm getting married this weekend, so I will be taking my leave of this site for the next week or two.  Hopefully, I'll be back in time for fall practice, as I work my way back into playing shape.  I would like to point out that I am a good college football fan and scheduled my wedding during the summer months when it cannot conflict with football.  Is that so hard, people?   There's a reason June and July are the favored months for weddings.

The Future Mrs. Poseur is also a fanatical sports fan and she has spent the last few years trying to convert me to root for her teams as I have tried to get her to renounce her loyalties and root for my teams.  I've been living in Texas now for over five years, and given the blessed event this weekend, I think now is as good of a time as any to re-evaluate the teams I root for in each sport. 

Some will argue that you only get to root for one team in your entire life, and I'm a huge believer in sports loyalty.  It is only through suffering that we enjoy the good times.  Titles without hardship are unearned.  That said, I've been on this planet for over thirty years and I don't think taking one time in your life to evaluate your sports relationships is out of line.  I will evaluate any input from the commenters, but the decisions I make now are final.  This is a one time only chance, in these arbitrary rules I'm making up as I go along, to dump a team and marry a different one.

COLLEGE
I went to LSU, I write for an LSU blog, and I would obsessively follow the Tigers even if I didn't.  This one is completely and totally non-negotiable.  My groom's cake topper is the LSU tiger eye.  I re-commit myself to fanatical loyalty to LSU.  Vive la revolution!

Mrs. Poseur went to Houston (COOOGS!!!), so converting her to a real team has not been difficult.  She's more in for baseball than football, but can you really blame her?  Due to her Houston loyalties, I will now watch UH games, wish that we had their QB, and casually root for the Coogs on the same level I pull for Baylor (my law school) and Maryland (my childhood home).  Still, any conflict with LSU will not be tolerated.  If UH plays LSU, I don't want a "good showing" by the Cougars, I want a 62-0 thrashing that I will lord over my spouse. 

 

Pros after the jump...

NFL
I'm from Baltimore and had my childhood destroyed by that rat bastard Bob Irsay when he moved the Colts.  I root for the Ravens, but feel really guilty about it, as we stole the Browns.  I morally justify it because, well, screw Cleveland.  Those whiners were guaranteed a team the next friggin' day.  We went 13 years without a team.  The moment they have to hear Jim Brown referred to as a Raven like I have to hear "Johnny Unitas' franchise record has just been broken by Peyton Manning", then we'll talk.  So, I'm open to a new team.

Unfortunately, I live in Dallas and the Cowboys are a reprehensible franchise.  Adopting them is impossible, and I tried.  Mrs. Poseur is an Indianapolis Colts fan, of course.  I've taught her their shameful history and through her, I've come to let bygones be bygones.  Irsay is dead, Baltimore has another team, and time heals all... just kidding.  I hope the Colts go 0-16 each year, their team plane crashes, and Bob Irsay's son contracts an STD.  I guess I'm stuck with the Ravens.

MLB
The Orioles have not had a winning season since 1997.  Each season has been just a little more depressing than the last, as each offseason I talk myself into how this is the year we turn it around.  Mrs. Poseur roots for the Rangers, and we go to about 20 games a year and watch the rest on TV.  I enjoy the team, I follow them fairly obsessively, and I love going to the stadium.  It helps that they are local and we can share a team.

But when the O's came to town and Corey Patterson hit a grand slam in the bottom of the ninth at 1 AM, after we had been sitting in the rain for five friggin' hours and we just wanted the game to end so we could go home... I stood up and did the slow clap.  Orioles Magic, baby.  Can't give them up.  I'll root for the Rangers on the side, but the O's are my team. 

NHL
For some bizarre reason, I've rooted for the Calgary Flames my entire life.  Maybe I just liked Lanny McDonald's moustache.  Mrs. Poseur had never seen a hockey game before she met me, so this was the perfect chance to brainwash her into rooting for my team.

Only watching the Flames through a fresh pair of eyes, I realized something: they are an excruciatingly boring team.  In the new, wide open NHL, they are still playing the outdated clutch and grab style.  It's just impossible to get someone into hockey through a Flames game.  Then, I finally got her to identify with two players, Mike Cammalleri and Dion Phaneuf.  The Flames, as if to spite me personally, traded both of them away for two bags of magic beans. 

Meanwhile, Mrs. Poseur discovered Alex Ovechkin on her own.  When we watch the Pens-Caps game before the Super Bowl, she leapt out of her chair to flip off Sidney Crosby while unleashing a torrent of profanity that questioned his manhood in a variety of ways.  And the Caps won that game.  It was beautiful, really.  I hereby renounce my loyalty to the Flames and we're rooting for the Caps.  I plan on ordering an old school Dale Hunter jersey. 

NBA
Growing up with Bullets as your local team is enough to kill anyone's interest in the league.  We'll root for the Mavs just because they are local and there's a chance someone has extra tickets on any given night.
     
SOCCER
I lived in England for three years and Leeds was my local team.  However, since Leeds is currently relegated from the EPL, it is almost impossible to follow them in the States.  Mrs. Poseur thoroughly enjoyed the World Cup and I'm all for striking while the iron is hot.  However, I realize I will be unable to pitch a Leeds team in the lower divisions.  I'm open to suggestions, so long as it does not conflict with rooting for Leeds if they ever make it back to the EPL (that means no Man U).  I'm open to suggestions.

I'll be back soon, so long as an enraged Bama fan does not recognize me on my honeymoon and stabs me in the kidney.  Which, let's face it, is probably both inevitable and deserved.  See y'all. 

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