I'm working on a fever right now and the only prescription is not more cowbell, so you shut your whore mouth. I'm doped up on about ten different kinds of over-the-counter medications and the only thought I can really muster is "I am going to die."
Which means I'm pretty much in the same condition as most of the crowd will be in come kickoff. I've just got a jump on the nausea. So this is going to be a classic notes column, if only because I can't concentrate on anything longer than 5 minutes before I feel like I'm gonna pass out.
- WVU averages 120 yards per game more than LSU. For that trouble, they have scored the exact same number of points as LSU.
- The best team WVU has played to this point of the season is Maryland, who is probably worse than any team on LSU's schedule so far (yes, even Vandy). I don't believe we know the slightest thing about WVU yet, as they've feasted on cupcakes (though they needed a late rally to beat Marshall).
- I really got a kick out of the prediction that LSU will lose on a missed Josh Jasper field goal. It's funny on several levels (or maybe it's just the cold medicine talking): (1) Jasper is one of the best kickers in the nation, (2) LSU has a decided special teams advantage in this game overall, and (3) if you're super confident pick is that your team is going to win on a missed field goal... well, let's just say I don't believe you honestly think your team can win if that's your super-confident prediction. Do some research, dude. Our special teams are the likely reason why we've scored as many points as your offense despite the yardage gap.
- Kneel before Zod. The Cookie Monster. The Oreo of Explosion. Kelvin Sheppard really needs a nickname. Everyone else on the defense does.
- Did anyone notice that EDSBS was translating Coach Speak this week? I'm relying on PodKatt to give Orson a stern talking to at the tailgate between beverages. Not for ripping off the bit, but because I don't need the competition. Seriously, how am I supposed to out-funny Orson Swindle?!
- Alabama, by all rights, should absolutely crush Arkansas tomorrow. However, the Hogs usually play the Tide tough and it is a home game, so anything can happen. I've actually seen some Tiger fans wondering who they should be rooting for. If you don't know to root against Alabama, you need to go back to Tiger Fan Training.
- I love that two of the rowdiest fanbases on earth are meeting on Saturday. I'm perfectly willing to risk the Biblical Apocalypse for this kind of party.
- I was willing to give the offense a pass last week for going super conservative because, well, it was State. But I really want to see the team open things up this week. I don't need lots of razzle dazzle, but excuse time is over. The offense has to do something this week.
- We have a clear advantage on the lines in this game. It's fun to be able to say that again.
- Maybe it's the drugs. Maybe it's the fever. Maybe it's the combination of the two creating hallucinations. Or maybe it's my steadfast devotion to the Delusional Optimism campaign. But I'm feeling cocky about this one. This one is for our honor. No one challenges us on crazy. That's our thing, man. You think y'all are crazy? Ask around, we have absolutely nothing grounding us to reality. Tiger Stadium on a Saturday Night is where they let the inmates run the asylum.
- There's a time to act. And there's a time to think. And this is no time to think.
Excuse me, I have to go pass out.