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Ole Miss sucks so bad Hell doesn't want them.

I hate them because they hold themselves up as some higher class compared to us. What?! You're the University of Mississippi. You're not an ivy or even UPenn or Stanford. You're a school in Mississippi. That means you suck, no matter how much you dress it up.

I hate them because they are really dumb when it comes to partying. Lemme tell ya something, if you took a fraction, a very small fraction, of the tailgating at LSU and smushed it into the Quad, it would be loud and huge and crazy. So the Grove isn't anything but bad planning and stupidity. Never lost a party my ass. You lose to us every damned week.

I hate the contrived food you bring out at your tailgate that you pay other people to set up. It's boring food that's done all over the place but you put it on a lace doily and think your king and queen shit of cooking. You're not. You suck. My dog is better at creating things on the kitchen floor and all he has to work with food I accidentally leave out on the counter.

Back to the class thing. We're all kinds of people down here. Protestant and Catholic, coonass and redneck, Irish and Italian and WASP and creole and black and vietnamese. And the result of all that is badass culture: food, music, good times, drinking, more food, fried food, spicy food, seafood, more booze and all kinds of awesome history. Mississippi is an afterthought. And yet, we're the trashy ones. Yeah our shitty tshirt fans and sidewalk alumni aren't that great. But greatness attracts all kinds of people. And that's southern Louisiana and LSU: greatness. The only reason we don't have a six flags is because we don't want Texas to feel boring and vanilla.

I hate them because they chickened out of being the Rebels full time. Grab what little balls your sorority wife and her Mrs. degree hadn't already snatched up and be the Rebs. You make ads with the word rebel in it. You have all kinds of stuff with rebel on it or in it. But nope, gonna be a little bitch and cave in on your tradition and history just cause. You don't see us changing too much. We'll have our tiger forever. We use it to teach all the cute little kids that show up about conservation. Sometimes you just be yourself and fuck the naysayers. Not Ole Miss, just bitched out like your team did last year.

Oh I was there. I tried to convince your dumb asses, against my better judgement, to try and convince yall to hire Leach. Nope. Yall wanted a clone to try and reproduce what Miles and Saban do: power running and suffocating defense. Must be that awesome education that keeps you from seeing there's not gonna be enough recruits to even try that. But speaking of the game, I walked by myself through the student section and never caught one word of abuse. I felt safe, happy, like I owned the place. And you know what? We did. We own it and we own you.

So I would tell you to go to hell, but the Devil don't wantcha because you're too damn boring, uncharismatic, stupid and weak.

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