They found him on Isla NuBear, home of Steve Spurrier's JurasSEC Park. He was one of the non-football breeds, engineered to support the football-playing specimens, explaining his thin build, angry demeanor, and loud, shrieking scream. After the disaster on Isla NuBear, noted mathematician and enthusiast of chaos Les Miles demanded for a specimen be delivered to Baton Rouge. "It needs to be studied, and perhaps it can watch my kids," was his rationale as he asked the LSU Paleontology Department to return to Isla NuBear at their own peril.
Miles wanted a Clowneyraptor. Instead, he got a Procomsogfratus [Pro-com-sog-FRAT-us].
Procomsogfratus came to LSU's campus with little fanfare. He acclimated to his collegiate environment well, soon being allowed out of his habitat to roam the campus. He would travel from class to class, seemingly with little rhyme or reason, though researchers eventually realized he was just exhibiting pack behavior. Procomsogfratus move in herds, this specimen usually from one dark classroom to another during the daytime, though they are mostly nocturnal, as he can be seen wandering around Tigerland nightly.
LSU students have no idea that he is not of their world, nor of their species, as Procomsogfratus blends seamlessly into the campus community. His markings and distinct body type do little to distinguish him from the typical undergraduate. LSU collegians regarded Procomsogfratus as just another student on the Baton Rouge campus noted for their eccentricities, much like Unicycle Guy, Pizza Girl, or JC. He is known on campus as "Caleb."
"Caleb just acts like a dinosaur sometimes, it's cool. I mean, it's college, and college is all about finding yourself," said LSU sophomore Adam Henderson. "He just spits a lot and he needs help picking things up if he drops them because...well his arms are kind of short. He and I even bonded over our hatred of Drake in MC 2010 one day. He was shrieking when ‘Started from the Bottom' came on in the bookstore, we've been friends ever since."
He's also taken to the LSU gameday atmosphere pretty well. "If he comes up to your tailgate and begins whimpering, that usually means he wants food," says sophomore Kaci Dornier. "He always tried grabbing at things with his hands, no one really knew why. It was like had never seen anyone use utensils or toothpicks or anything. He must've been raised by wolves or something."
Even while tailgating, no one has seen "Caleb" drink. "I don't think he needs anything to alter his mind man, his life is a natural high. Y'ever seen anyone so happy to act like a dinosaur? Nope, doubt you ever will. Happier than a pig rollin' in mud, that guy," relates LSU graduate student Eric Hayes. "He does like batting Solo cups around with those tiny arms of his though. Toss one at him and it's like a cat playing with yarn."
He seems to make most LSU away games too. Noted fan Logan Leger related, "Caleb was sleeping in the tailgate of my truck before I left for Athens. Since he looked so comfortable, I just let him stay there." While in Athens, Procomsogfratus arrived at a tailgate smeared in blood, holding a ticket to the LSU/Georgia game in his mouth. "I'm not in the question-asking business, so I didn't bother asking what happened, all I know is we had a hell of a time," said Leger.
No one knows how he ended up in Tuscaloosa, but Procomsogfratus is now nationally-known. No one truly knows his origin, and perhaps that is for the best. Perhaps Isla NuBear and the remains of JurasSEC Park must not be disturbed, and "Caleb" is our lone, living artifact to come from it. However, he has provided a glimpse into the past, of a simpler time. He has also provided enjoyment to millions worldwide. We should be careful to take only what we can from the past, and not press our luck with the rest.