Kevin Sumlin? Johnny Manziel? Please. Who among you thought that the Nature Boy would be out of his element?
People doubted the Nature Boy in Death Valley! They expected me to fold! Doubters everywhere thinking Ric Flair could get beat in his house! On his turf! Not last weekend, not last weekend Aggies. You took on the champ, Texas A&M! You came in to Tiger Stadium and the Nature Boy put Johnny Football in a Figure Four leg lock, the likes of which the world has never seen! I guess no one told him that TO BE THE MAN, YOU GOT TO BEAT THE MAN. WOOOOOO!
Now look, I'm a pretty humble guy. And brother, it's Thanksgiving. Now The Nature Boy knows when it's time to give thanks for all the blessings he's been given. These wonderful, blond, flowing locks. A sculpted body that women want and men want to have. The strength of a thousand smaller men. Yes, the Nature Boy knows he must be thankful for all of these things.
Now my favorite part of this holiday? Oh brother, you've gotta love the food. Mama Flair's fried turkey, great for re-energizin' after wallopin' some poor sucker in the squared circle. Gravy, wonderful for givin' my blond hair its wonderful sheen. And baby, pumpkin pie, well I just love me some pumpkin pie. Thanksgiving? It's the greatest holiday, and not just because the Nature Boy has a lot to be thankful for.
But brother, come Friday, I'm not thinkin' about turkey, stuffing, or oyster dressing. No sir. I'll have one type of fine southern cuisine on the mind, and I ain't talkin' about pimento cheese. I'm talkin' PORK. PORK LOIN. PORK RIBS. BACON. PIGS' FEET. BOSTON BUTT. Brother, I'll catch a pig and butcher it myself. You may not know it, but charcuterie is a hobby of the Nature Boy's, and oh baby the Nature Boy is ready to practice. And Arkansas, you're the only one left on the Nature Boy's schedule, WOO!
Now Hogs, I know you've been through a rough season. You're beaten up, you're bloody, you're tired. You're playin' for nothin' but pride, and you've got nothin' to lose. Your head coach weighs more than your offensive tackles, and that was before he discovered Fayetteville's finer Waffle Houses. But if you're lookin' for mercy, brother you ain't gonna find it here. The Nature Boy is pumped and he's lookin' to finish this one out strong. Arkansas, I'm waitin' for ya. The Nature Boy is ready and willing to take your pain and double it. He's ready to take your face and grind it into the Tiger Stadium turf. Don't even think about waitin' for a pinfall, don't think about grabbin' a rope, because the only thing that'll save you on Friday is tappin' out, WOOOOOO!!!