Answers You Might Get From Les Miles at SEC Media Days

But would a rose by any other name not smell like a tulip? - Chris Graythen

If you know the right questions to ask, that is...

"Football's taught me a lot of things in life. Teamwork is a lot like a good pair of functioning kidneys, filtering out the toxins of sloth and bitterness. And the love that you have for your teammates is as warm as a croissant from my palm-reader, Mavis. And those palms carry the hopes and dreams of the state of Louisiana. And trays of fresh muskrat, twice a week. Food for the soul."

****

"So I says to Mavis I says 'that dog can't hunt face down in the Big Muddy!'"

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"My philosophy on this matter, and it's certainly a quality one, is that when life hands you lemons, call a fake field goal."

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"And Bo says to me, he says to me, you got style, baby! But if you're gonna to be a real coach you gotta get a gimmick...And so I go I says yeah baby! A gimmick, that's it! Chaos theory baby!"

****

"Sweet fescue...it has a creamy center. A rich...almost chocolaty coating. It's not like the other blades of grass. It likes the same things I do...wax paper...boiled football leather...fullbacks."

****

"Cam Cameron's mind is a dangerous plaything. When it's used for evil, you see things like A.J. Smith in the NFL playoffs. But when it's used for good? Chums, I don't mind telling you that one word comes to mind: scorespointsarriffic."

****

"And so Cam took his sip from the chalice with the blood of the Moccasin King. When he didn't spontaneously age 50 years all at once, I knew I had myself a new coordinator. Incidentally, poor Gary Crowton's only 35 years old. I bet y'all didn't know that."

****

"JUST SO YOU KNOW, Cam Cameron and I have a fantastic relationship. You know, he helped introduce me to my wife, and I taught him how to do both the mash potato AND the twist."

"Can I show you? I'm afraid I'm wearing entirely too many articles of clothing for a quality demonstration right now."

****

"Have you ever really stared into a burning match? The flash of white, the dance of orange just around the edge of the darkness? Like a hole being pierced into the very fabric of reality? Brick Haley's got some great motivational tactics for his defensive linemen."

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"A little carnuba wax, the tears of a scout-team quarterback and liquid heat. That's what John Chavis grooms his mustache with."

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"It's been 8 great years in Baton Rouge. Always on the lookout for where the Funk is gonna come from next, though."

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"Defensive line recruiting is so crucial in this league. Really gotta identify the right players. Our method of tossing Alphonse, my daughter Macy's pet gator into a high school locker room, and seeing who makes it out alive hasn't steered us wrong yet!"

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"You know, you wouldn't think the soul has a real taste, but Alphonse swears there's a nougat-y sweetness to it."

****

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