Gary Patterson is a Big Meany Pants

Do these pants make me look fat? - Tom Pennington

The season cannot get here soon enough. I really don't care what TCU's head coach has to say about LSU. Neither should you.

Man, the season cannot get here soon enough. The offseason is truly the breeding ground for the non-story, as we all scrounge around looking for material. You would think things get better now that we can see opening day on the horizon and we have camps open across the country. But no, the closer we get to the season, the more we freak out over the smallest little story.

This week's tempest in a teapot is Gary Patterson's reaction to Les Miles reinstatement of Jeremy Hill to the football team. Apparently, he was really mean and said nasty things about Miles to some of the popular girls at the lunch table. It is truly difficult to imagine something I care less about than the TCU head coach's opinion of Les Miles.

In case you missed it, Patterson accurately pointed out that the chances of the team not voting Hill back onto the team was about zero. Gee, I'm sure that's a fact that completely surprised Les Miles. Maybe, just maybe, Miles has the feel of the personality of his own football team better than some other coach in some other state.

This is when we're supposed to flip out and call out Patterson for pretending he has no say on whether Devonte Fields gets to play the season opener, leaving the door open for his return. LSU fans get indignant and hurl some accusations at Patterson. TCU fans then respond and do the same to LSU fans.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

This is a meaningless story even by the rather lenient standards of the offseason. Patterson is throwing red meat to his base, and they are eating it up. Red meat is tasty. But come on, Patterson is worried about his own team and his own roster problems. Miles isn't worried about whether Patterson likes him and will invite him over for dinner. He's worried about what's best for his own program.

Sure, it passes the time and it gets us one day closer to the season. These little controversies feed the beast and keep us all excited for what's to come. But really, stories like this are just football methadone, and we want the heroin that is the all too brief regular season.

I swear, we're gonna score the good stuff pretty soon. The offseason is almost over, and we won't have to pretend to care about whether one coach was too mean to another. But did you hear what Jimmy said about Nicky?

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