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LSU-Auburn: The Haiku Preview

Stuart, lead it off!

"LSU! Auburn! ATVS throwin' it down straight haiku style! HOLLA!"

Well, then! Giddyup.

Without further ado, and borrowing from the excellent precedent set by ESPN's TMQ, the official ATVS 2006 "I Hate Auburn" Haiku Preview:

Intro: What is "The opposite of an Ode," Alex?

Trailer parks for dorms,
Corndog-intolerant fools.
Lo! I hate Auburn.

<---- Trying to push this upside-down logo thing to the Tipping Point; Horns fans need company lately.

A is for Akademmiks

Not to be confused with work!
Foul, the Auburn stench.

Fun with Mascots

War Eagle? Tiger?
Confusion doth reign supreme!
"Inbred" fits the bill.

<---- With some exceptions, natch

L'Eau de Auburn

We are Bayou Trash?
Fetid, thy name is Auburn!
Petrino...'nuff said.

Crystal Balls (aka 2003 vs 2004)

What's there left to say?
Citadel wasn't good call.
At least we got ours!

Mind Games

You whine 'bout respect?
Yet you carry three ranking??
War Damn Idiots!

1988: Earthquake

Thus it was written:
Hodson to Fuller for game.
And the Valley Shook!


Extra extra point?
We could have used one too, ref.
Kicker made us cry


Five kicks off the mark
Kenny's two bills not enough
Kicker made them cry

A Palindromic Ode to Voting for the New Clock Rule

Tommy Tuberville
Lively brute; M-O-T-M?
(Moron of the Month?)

<---- What Tommy thinks of clocks.

Les Miles

Guess what I need now?
Change of possession time-outs!
Retroactive, please.

<---- Just a year ahead of his time, was all

Last Week: Cartman Pontificates on AU-MSU

MSU is coo!
Yet, Croom's suck prevails.

Last Week: Hoops only two months away, UA!

Stomp OUR hallowed Eye?
'Zona: you're no football school.
Forty five to three.

This week: Gameday's Overrated, Anyway

Herbilocks: A plague!
Get him to a nunnery...
We can do without.

The Game: Auburn Line Depletion

Troy and Marcus gone?
Brandon Cox, meet Glenn Dorsey.
Hope it's tasty grass!

<---- Change large white guy in white helmet to large black guy in yellow helmet.

The LSU secondary

Lost top three wideouts?
Sixteen for forty won't fly;
Landry's prepped for feast!

Kenny Says, Interviewing is F-U-N-N!

Know why that's funny?
I'll tell you why that's funny:
Because it's funny!

But Seriously, Kenny Irons is superhuman

Two eighteen last year!
K.I. giving Bo P fits.
Yeah, he must work out!

Auburn's ex-LSU defensive coordinator

Muschamp sans St. Nick?
Dolphins could do without him!

<---- You had me at QEDMF

What You See Ain't What You Get

"Whitworth et al - gone!
Time to tee off on Russell!"
Drops you like a rock.

Ode to Lasik Surgery

Plainsmen in the dust!
Legally blind no longer,
Bowe knows endzones now.

Jacob Hester, Happy to Be Here

Broussard! Vincent! Scott!
Myriad backs to choose from;
White boy soars 'bove all.


Cannot jinx my team!
Reason goes out the window:
Auburn wins by three.