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Lotsa happnins

Backup QB Ryan Perrilloux has been suspended for illegally trying to enter a riverboat. Dear Ryan: I mean for Christ's sake, kid, how dumb are you? You're already under a cloud of suspicion given the FBI investigation earlier in the offseason, and now you elect to go and do this? It's one thing if you're Eli Manning getting caught drinking underage somewhere in Oxford, Mississippi. But you've already got a strike against you. How difficult is it to just toe the damn line? What if something happens to the guy in front of you, the starting QB? Then you step into the limelight with a chance to take a preseason Top 5 team to the national championship game - in your own backyard no less. What a stupid, stupid decision. You deserve the suspension. Evidently you're not a druggie or anything, so this was just a decision that takes the concept of stupidity to staggering new heights, but seriously: just get your life back in order. There's a whole nation of Tiger fans just dying to see what you can do on the field, and now you've got some work to if you ever wish to regain their confidence. Best wishes!

Just when I think you couldn't get ANY stupider...

Anyone reading this has probably heard by now that LSU mascot Mike V died of kidney failure after a surgery this past weekend. While efforts are underway to find a Mike VI, PETA has asked LSU not to use a live mascot any longer. In their words:

Big cats in captivity are denied everything that is natural and important to them, such as the opportunity to run, climb, hunt, establish their territory, and choose their mates," Lisa Wathne, of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, says in a letter to school officials....

PETA, citing its own figures, argues that thousands of tigers are held in private captivity in the United States. Also, Wathne said, tiger habitats should be measured in acres, not feet.

So let it be written: From now on instead of referring to Mike the Tiger's glorious 15,000 square feet, we'll just refer to Mike's glorious 1/3rd acre. Sheesh. Dunno what that accomplishes, but PETA's wish has thus been granted. And plus, in captivity, Mike will never have to struggle to find his own food, and will forever be free from the tiger's only natural predator:

Laugh if you must, plebes, but I'm a vicious sumbitch!

Now piss off, PETA fools. Go help that whale get out of the San Francisco Bay while we find ourselves a Tiger.

Lastly, good luck to the Lady Tigers softball team, which has to travel yet again and face Arizona State before it can make the World Series.