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Open Letter to My Texas Buddies

Dear Friends,

I know y'all think you are college football fans.  You're from Texas and Texas thinks they invented everything.  I get that.  It's all bigger here.  And I enjoy the ribbing between UT and A&M fans, not to mention the barbs thrown in from Tech fans and OU grads with the good sense to move out of Oklahoma.  It's a lot of fun.

I also know that you love your significant other and you want to share this blessed event with all of your friends and family.  And that's cool.  I love weddings (just ask my ex-wives).  

But I am about to attend Wedding #4 of this college football season, with Wedding #5 next week.  Stop it.  You can get married in the spring.  Don't you know that you're causing me to DVR the friggin' Bama game?  THE BAMA GAME.  Despite what Billy says, it's only the biggest game of the season.  Just because of that, I'm buying you something not on the registry that you can't return.   Say hello to homemade pottery. 

Next time, get married in the spring or summer.  There's only three months of college football, the least you could do is schedule your weddings in the other nine months.  Or else stop calling yourself football fans.

You're ruining this season for me.