Oh, God. It's here. The seemingly endless bloviating near-apocalypse that is the SEC Media Days. AL.com is devoting more resources to cover this than The Washington Post dedicated to the Obama Inauguration or E! dedicated to the Michael Jackson funeral.
This is when we get the chance to parse every cryptic sentence by a few players and every single head coach in the SEC. Hell, this is the time of year I find out who is actually coaching Mississippi State (Dan Mullen? Really? Is that an alias?)
This goes against the Blogger Handbook that we were provided with when we signed on the SBNation, but I could care less about Media Days. It's a contrived event and the chances of there being an actual news story coming out of Media Days is pretty slim. I'm not saying there won't be a lot of coverage and some manufactured controversy, I'm sure there will be. I'm just saying this is something shiny the twelve football programs are going to show the assembled media to distract them from the fact nothing is actually happening.
I dare you to try and read the transcripts of last year's media days. I get about halfway through before I'm tempted to gouge out my own eyeballs. Though it is kind of fun to try and pick out the most wrong-headed quote with the benefit of hindsight. From Les Miles opening statement, he let loose this gem:
Defensively we promote within. Two guys that had those positions that make the adjustments that transition formations, Doug Mallory and Bradley Dale Peveto, our linebackers and secondary coach, will share those duties. They seem to get along extremely well. They're great friends. There's not a lot of ego. And they were in every strategical meeting for the entire year a year ago.
So what we do is we keep the defense intact. Maybe call it a little different. Some of the names may change. But it's designed and strategy and implementation will not change significantly. I think it benefits what would be Tyson Jackson and Darry Beckwith, our veterans. I think our defense will prosper that way best.
Good thing they didn't have ego. But even getting to make fun of Mallveto one last time loses its luster when you have to walk through the minefield of meaningless coach-speak. But I'm pretty sure every defense is designed.
The next three days, a lot of people will talk about football in a very boring way. The media and the blogosphere will go crazy because, well, what else are we gonna do? But we'll all forget everything that happened at Media Days by the time the season starts. Because, really, this is just trying to get us through the next horrible, empty month and half until football (it's either that or talk to our families).
But here's hoping Urban Meyer stabs Lane Kiffin. Now THAT would be interesting.