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Alabama to Forfeit 2009 Win Because It Was So Totally Not Fair

TUSCALOOSA -- University of Alabama Athletic Director Mal Moore shocked college football observers by announcing that the Crimson Tide will forfeit its 2009 game against LSU.  Alabama had won the game played on November 7, 2009, 24-15, but now the school has decided to forfeit the game due to the unfair circumstances surrounding the game.

"I believe that scheduling a bye the week before a football game is a grossly unfair advanatge.  By unethically scheduling a bye week before the LSU game, we ensured the game was played on an uneven playing field," Moore said.  "I mean, it's downright impossible to beat a team coming off a bye week and we just don't feel it's right to count the game."

Alabama officials have been long considering this action, as the Tide faces six teams coming off of bye weeks this season, and that just isn't fair. 

"No, sir, it isn't" said star quarterback Greg McElroy in response to questions of whether playing teams with a whole extra week of practice was possible.  "Playing a team off of a bye week is just not fair.  When will people stop picking on us?"

Alabama now claims that winning a game against a team coming off a bye week has never ever happened in the history of the universe.  Except for the time LSU beat a well-rested Alabama team in 2007.  In fact, this will be the third time in four years Alabama will have a bye week before playing LSU. Alabama officials deny this is intentional.

"Well, crap.  I just noticed that," said head coach Nick Saban.  "We would never want to get an unfair advantage.  As we all know, my career is one of meeting the highest standards of professional ethics.  I would never dream of trying to gain an advantage in scheduling."

"Whatever happens, happens,  That's my motto.  Go with the flow.  I would never dream of trying to manipulate Alabama's schedule to get a bye before the LSU game.  I mean, they aren't even our rival, right?"

Mal Moore insists that this forfeit is to insure the fairness of the SEC.  Alabama claims it does not want any unfair advantages.

"Alabama just believes in what's fair.   And all of these teams having bye weeks is so totally not fair.  Alabama would never dream of doing that.  No, sireee.  Never would happen."

The SEC office would not officially comment on Alabama's attempt to forfeit, but sources within the league office stated that there is still no chance in hell they are changing the schedule no matter how many voice mails Mal Moore leaves them.  And, no, they are totally not calling him back.