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Translating CoachSpeak: Miles On UNC

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In order to help the LSU fan community understand our increasingly incomprehensible coach, I bring back our not-too-regular feature, Translating coach Speak.  All quotes are courtesy of the transcript helpfully provided by the good folks at LSU sports Net

No, i have no idea what Les' twitter message meant other than "I sat on my phone."

On Patrick Peterson's cramping...

WHAT HE SAID:  "He does not cramp in practice. Certainly it's a hydration issue and also, 200 yards of return yards kind of puts an extra stress on the man's day. We probably need to make sure we have a corner in position to back him up. We also are going to expect him to have return days like that again, and we are visiting and revisiting what would be the way to hydrate him because he will specifically be taxed very significantly on game days."

WHAT HE MEANT:  "I'm not the trainer, so that is a really, really stupid question.  You can ask me anything, and that's what you decide to kick the press conference off with?  Really?  And you people criticize my intelligence..."

On RB Michael Ford not playing...

WHAT HE SAID: "There were a lot of things we were going to do up 30-10 that we didn't get done, and one of which was to play some other tailbacks such as Michael Ford."

WHAT HE MEANT: "Oops.  I forgot."

On any thought to giving Patrick Peterson some offensive touches...

WHAT HE SAID:  "Yes, there has been a lot of thought to that to be honest with you. I don't know how much more cramping that would require if we could get him 150 receiving yards and return yards, and he may have to go cover a pass, too, so we are wearing him out pretty good."

WHAT HE MEANT: "I like Patrick Peterson more than I like taffy."

On how he plans to use Russell Shepard in the future...

WHAT HE SAID:  "I think he's really just starting to receive the opportunities that he's going to get. I think you'll find going forward that his productivity will continue to rise, and he's a guy we'd love to get more touches to. He's still very much learning the receiving position. Even though he's had some success carrying it out of the backfield, we are requiring him to be a complete receiver as well. There is some work to do there, but he'll get touches again and again."

WHAT HE MEANT: "He scored two touchdowns.  Chances are, we're gonna go back to him."

On LSU's offensive game plan against North Carolina...

WHAT HE SAID:  "We feel like we want to really start a game against that team rushing the football and keeping them at home. Some of those plays where we gave the ball to Russell Shepard that turned into big plays were based on the fact that they had to defend the power run inside. That was a thought that we had going in that we wanted to attack them. Then, we lost (right guard) Will Blackwell in a spot, and wanting to be able to make T-Bob Hebert comfortable in the right guard spot kind of led us down those play calls as well. We still want to run the football, but if you looked at, we threw a lot of those plays that came off of run-action and made the defense widen. I like the way we attacked them. I wish we would have attacked them that way longer."

WHAT HE MEANT:  "I don't read the papers.  We're they missing guys in the secondary?  Well, nuts.  Had I known that, I might have adjusted.  Ooo... Taffy!"

On how much of a blow it is to lose a lineman like Will Blackwell this early in the season...

WHAT HE SAID:  "Losing Will really is a blow because of the guy. I think he's a good player. I think he would have eventually matured into a really good player, and he was a tremendous leader in that line. I think we'll find a replacement for him. I think there will be a guy that will step in there in play. I think we'll miss him and what he brought to the team. I think Matt Branch, Josh Williford and T-Bob, all of those will get snaps inside there that will fit to replace what is an injured starter."

WHAT HE MEANT:  "When I said there will be a guy, that guy won't be T-Bob.  Thanks for costing us seven points, jerkface." 

On playing so many young players in the secondary...

WHAT HE SAID:  "We really think that the young secondary that we have is a very talented group, and we want to get them on the field. We feel like it allows guys like Patrick Peterson to be fresh and more capable. I think you'll look forward to seeing Tyrann Mathieu, who played very well, and maybe Tharold Simon as well in those corner ranks. Now, Ron Brooks played significant time as did Patrick Peterson and Mo Claiborne. When you have that kind of depth, it's an advantage."

WHAT HE MEANT:  "Young guys.  See?  Are you jackals happy now?  See what happens when I rely on young guys?  The first moment Peterson comes out of the game, we give up a 97 yard pass.  I hate freshmen.  I wish we could go back to hazing them."

On how they can improve the amount of snaps they have on offense per game...

WHAT HE SAID:  "If you look at a touchdown that was called back on a penalty, and if you look at what were two penalties that stopped and slowed drives, four turnovers and an onside kick that was certainly disputed, I think what you saw was a number of opportunities squandered. I think if anybody turns the ball over four times, they are going to have fewer snaps on offense. That really is the piece that we have to get fixed. If we keep those four turnovers, the number of the plays that we run are significant, and it makes a tremendous difference in the final score. We would have liked to have closed that game out long before we did."

WHAT HE MEANT: "The refs screwed us.  Just wanted to mention that."

On how he interpreted the onside kick ruling...

WHAT HE SAID:  "I talked to the head of officials in the SEC, Rogers Redding, and he said frankly you cannot block anyone in advance of the ball. Anybody that would contact somebody in advance of the ball has created a foul. It's irrespective of the 40-yard line. In other words, if (Alfred) Blue steps across the 40-yard line to make the reception on the kick, then he is protected because you still cannot block in advance of the ball, and you still cannot contact a guy until the ball has gone 10 yards, so we are in a position where we should be able to field the ball certainly until we get possession without interference. In review, the officials are given a responsibility not to apparently create flags and throw flags from a reviewed look, and I think that was really the position that was taken. They reviewed it, and they really could not overturn the call on the field."

WHAT HE MEANT: "The refs screwed us."

On his opinion of the holding penalty on T-Bob Hebert on Stevan Ridley's touchdown run that was called back...

WHAT HE SAID:  "The responsibility not to certainly comment on officials and officiating, I dance around it as good as any. I can tell you that what is seen game day is different from what you may see on film, but I would well have told that offensive lineman to keep his hands inside, move his feet well and be dominant, and it appeared to me that there were a lot of those characteristics on that block. I did not see hands in the exterior of the framework. I saw great leg drive, and I saw what appeared to me to be a dominant block. Now when you are the official on the scene, there are some things that you see that the camera doesn't pick up. What he saw must well have not been represented on that film. I know this. I know those guys are calling it the best way they can. I really mean it. I know that crew."

WHAT HE MEANT: "The refs REALLY screwed us." 

On if UNC did a "lousy" job covering special teams kicks...

WHAT HE SAID:  "So, if we have advantages, the other team is doing a lousy job? What a miserable thing to say. The only thing I can tell you is Patrick Peterson is pretty special, and I think that will be born out to be true and true as we go through. I think our guys work hard at special teams. Special teams in our building is a very serious issue, and it is one where we put speed on that field. If you look at guys who blocked for Patrick Peterson, that was Mo Claiborne. He had a penalty, but he probably had two of the finest blocks that I've seen thrown, and some of those return yards were directly accountable to his fine special teams play. Tyrann Mathieu made some tremendous plays blocking for those returns, and then, we have a good return man. I'm certainly not going to bemoan our opponent's effort. It appeared to me that they gave great effort. I think schemes were accentuated by hustle, effort and competitive play by our guys."

WHAT HE MEANT:  "I like Patrick Peterson more than I like taffy."

On Peterson's cramps...

WHAT HE SAID:  "I know that there are certain guys that are more susceptible to cramping - those with leaner body mass - and this is something that our trainers are concerned with. He's a guy who is susceptible to that, and we are going to give him opportunities at returns and big runs, so his opportunities will lead to cramps. We'll have to fix him."

WHAT HE MEANT:  "Not.  A.  Trainer.  Now I'm just gonna make some crap up and watch you write it down." 

On if Jordan Jefferson will build off of his long touchdown pass to Rueben Randle...

WHAT HE SAID:  "I think he's getting better. I think he understands the offense more. I think we have to give him, again, tools for him to make when he has to move, when there is a position where his initial read is covered, his second read is also covered, his check down hasn't shown up, and now it's an opportunity go vertical and make it a vertical scramble rather than a give-ground scramble and the opportunity to throw it away with advantages. In other words, we are down there in the one drive with the opportunity to throw it away, kick a three-pointer and take really a solid, three-touchdown lead. I think he is maturing I think he understands. We had much less difficulty with the mechanics of the offense, the substitutions, getting the ball snapped on time and stem and motion. His understanding of the calls, he's much better and much improved. With good not being good enough, there is more to do."

WHAT HE MEANT: "Did I mention how close we were to winning by three or four touchdowns?  Seriously, you'd think I'm cursed."

On if his explanation of the onside kick is the case, then why did they bother reviewing it...

WHAT HE SAID:  "That's a good point. It really is. No one, certainly not I, said that we had the ball. It's not like they had to review possession. Maybe that's what the review was. Maybe they went back to review possession, and if that's the case, I think they came back with the right ruling on the field because they did have the ball. The issue became was he interfered with before the ball got there, and if they were not going to actually review that, that is a really good question."

WHAT HE MEANT:  "The refs screwed us.  Even the replay refs.  Why do I keep getting blamed for crappy calls?"

On if Tyrann Mathieu's ability makes him more comfortable in situations where Peterson is out of the game...

WHAT HE SAID:  "I'm pretty comfortable with Tyrann Mathieu on the field. I think Patrick Peterson is a very exceptional corner. I think Tyrann Mathieu will be that kind of corner in time. He's still a freshman. It's his first game. He played well, but again, I think in time he'll be able to play well in any league."

WHAT HE MEANT: "Freshmen.  I hate freshmen."

On the play of the offensive line...

WHAT HE SAID:  "I felt like the offensive line played pretty well. If you looked at the protection, the protection was there. I think our running yards would have been even greater if we would have maintained possession of the ball in a couple of situations, but I thought the line played well. It was the first game. It certainly was not a dominant performance for a bunch of reasons, but I think it was obvious they progressed, and they were better."

WHAT HE MEANT:  "If Ridley could hold on to the mother-frickin' football, you guys would be bowing before me right now." 

On Defensive Coordinator John Chavis coaching from the press box...

WHAT HE SAID:  "It was his choice. He wanted the opportunity to see the field, and I think he looked at the opportunity for Ron Cooper to be down there with some of the young defensive backs. I felt like that was probably a wise decision."

WHAT HE MEANT:  "I honestly couldn't care less."

On how this past game gives them an advantage in preparation for Vanderbilt...

WHAT HE SAID:  "We had eight first-time starters, nine true freshmen and 18 first-time players. The opportunity to take a road game in advance of a road game does not necessarily seem wise a year or two years ago, but the reality of it is when you know that you are going to play a game on the road that really counts second, then the opportunity to practice that and that road regimen and that road feel and the understanding that it's not our stadium all took place versus North Carolina at the Georgia Dome. Certainly it's a regimen that the young guys will be comfortable in the second time. The opportunity to play in the dome is an advantage for our guys to realize that we've had success in this facility and this venue, and it's one of these places that they play the championship in, and the longing and the opportunity to return here is what that team might see."

WHAT HE MEANT:  "Freshmen suck.  I have a longing to keep my job, and I don't want my job to rely on an 18 year old kid who is probably four years removed from collecting Pokemon."