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Hello folks! It's great to be back in Tiger Stadium this weekend. As is usual, we have fresh, never frozen facts for you to learn about this week's opponent, the Texas A&M Aggies!
1. Kevin Sumlin has amassed a 54-21 record as a head coach, gone 3-1 in bowl games, beaten an eventual national champion, coached a Heisman Trophy winner, and won a WWE title. USC athletic director Pat Haden, upon examining Sumlin's credentials carefully, threw his resume in the garbage can and called "someone with an NFL pedigree" to take their head coaching job. Fight on, Chan Gailey!
2. As a right of initiation, members of the Aggie Corps of Cadets sit spread-eagle on the ground while another cadet pours a bucket of cold water on his groin area. Despite apparently doing everything in their own power to do so, cadets still can't render their new recruits impotent.
3. Johnny Manziel's family made its fortune in many industries, some of them illicit, one of the more notable ones is his family's involvement in the cockfighting business. However, Manziel's great-great-grandfather Bobby Joe also had great interest in flightless birds, which is at least part of the reason Johnny Football shares some genetic code with the common emu (it's a long story).
4. A popular saying among the Texas A&M faithful is that "Aggies never lose, they just run out of time." While this is meant only for athletic competition, some Aggies take it literally, and as a result four students have been playing the same multiplayer deathmatch game of Halo 3 since 2007.
5. Curley Hallman and his effect on the LSU football program was the most elaborate Aggie ruse ever conceived, springing from the mind of one R. Bowen Loftin.
6. If Lady Reveille, the Texas A&M mascot and highest-ranking member of the Corps of Cadets, barks during class, that session will be canceled. Reveille VIII, an especially bright animal, is actually a computer science major. She has gone on record saying that she barks in her C++ class when "she's had enough of this coding bullshit." Related: she has figured out how to operate a keyboard without thumbs.
7. Speaking of Lady Reveille, if she decides to fall asleep on her handler's bed, it is hers for the night. Lady Reveille is not a cuddler, likes to sprawl out as much as possible, and you will deal with it, flat top.
8. One of Texas A&M's famous coordinated yells (led by the Yell Leaders, of course) is "Farmer's Fight," which FarmersOnly.com has dreamed of changing in a coveted sponsorship deal. Unsurprisingly, the Aggies did not agree to terms.
9. Aggieland does not have a Waffle House. This fact is completely serious, deserving of your attention, and must be remedied soon.
10. College Station, Texas is a surprisingly awful rap town.
As always, thank you for reading. We hope to see you in Tiger Stadium on Saturday! Stay dry, and Geaux Tigers!