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Michael Cole: Ladies and gentlemen of Tiger Stadium, we are talking to Stone Cold Steve Austin. Stone Cold, people are wondering why you attacked Furman the way you did last Saturday?
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Stone Cold: WHAT? Furman? WHAT?
Tiger Stadium crowd: WHAT?!
SC: Look, I'll tell you what Furman was about. I beat the crap out of Furman because I'm pissed off. Furman just happened to be in the way. So I beat them down until they got out of the way.
What I'm really pissed off about are these jackasses over in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Everyone kissing their ass, telling them how great they are. Just sick of hearing it. I really don't give a damn what sawed-off piece a trash is coachin' em or what they have or have not accomplished. Because none of that garbage matters.
Tell ya what, if you wanna see me shove those crystal footballs and "the process" up Nick Saban's ass...gimme a Hell Yeah.
Tiger Stadium: HELL YEAH!
SC: If you are tired of the media kissing Nick Saban's ass, gimme a Hell Yeah.
TS: HELL YEAH!
SC: Now, what matters is Nov. 9 at Bryant-Denny Stadium, they have to deal with one angry son of a bitch. And that's all I've got to say about that.
Cole: All that said Stone Cold, what is your strategy heading into the game?
SC: What? My strategy? What?
TS: WHAT?!
SC: Imma tell ya what my strategy is gonna be.
TS: WHAT?!
SC: First, I'm gonna eat some JAMBALAYA
TS: WHAT?!
SC: BOUDIN SAUSAGE
TS: WHAT?!
SC: RED BEANS AND RICE
TS: WHAT?!
SC: CRAWFISH ETOUFEE
TS: WHAT?!
SC: Then...I'm gonna drink a beer
TS: WHAT?!
SC: then another beer
TS: WHAT?!
SC: 3 beers
TS: WHAT?!
SC: 4 beers
TS: WHAT?!
SC: 5 beers
TS: WHAT?!
SC: 6 beers
TS: WHAT?!
SC: 7 beers
TS: WHAT?!
SC: 8 beers
TS: WHAT?!
SC: 9 beers
TS: WHAT?!
SC: Jim Beam
TS: WHAT?!
SC: Jack Daniels
TS: WHAT?!
SC: Vodka
TS: WHAT?!
SC: THEN SOME MORE BEER
TS: WHAT?!
SC: Know what that'll do?
TS: WHAT?!
SC: Gonna give me a beer belly.
TS: WHAT?!
SC: A beer belly.
TS: WHAT?!
SC: I SAID A BEER BELLY!!
TS: WHAT?!
SC: That'll gimme a lower center of gravity. Make me more difficult to move off the line of scrimmage. Ain't none of them Alabama boys gonna be able to move me off the line. That's my strategy.
Cole: Many people are saying that you are largely out of the SEC title picture? What's your motivation in this game?
SC: These jackasses think that just because ol' Stone Cold lost a couple of times that he can't keep up with Alabama. Well I say Alabama should know better than anyone that when when you back ol' Stone Cold back down in a corner he's gonna pop right back up and kick some ass. They say I ain't got nothing to play for? Well, ain't nothing more fun than raising some hell and ruinin' someone else's shot at a title. They took my chance away last year, so now it's time to pay them back at their place.
And there ain't a damn thing that Alabama, or Nick Saban, or Penn Wagers, or Tom Ritter, or even MIKE DAMN SLIVE HIMSELVE can do about it.
AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE, BECAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO!
via i.imgur.com
via i.imgur.com
via i.imgur.com
