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Ten Potentially True Facts: Iowa


Bruce Thorson-USA TODAY Sports

Hello Tiger fans! We're one day removed from 2014 and the final football game of the season. Let's learn a little about the Iowa Hawkeyes, shall we?

1. Iowa's colors are black and gold. The gold is representative of Iowa's large corn industry and the black is representative of all Iowans' souls.

2. Head football coach Kirk Ferentz hates moving the ball. In fact he threatened to stop returning punts so his team would stop being susceptible to fakes. Kirk Ferentz hates offense so much that he won't look quarterback Jake Rudock in the eye, keyed his car, and bare-ass farted on his pillow because the signal-caller threw to his second read on a third and long.

3. Kirk Ferentz has beaten Nick Saban twice. Once on this catch, and once in a challenge to see who is the most boring man in North America. Ferentz took second behind George F. Will.

4. Iowa's largest export, second only to corn, is dinosaur race cars. Kudos to our Iowan SB Nation counterpart Black Heart Gold Pants for giving the world the heads-up they deserve before this fine sport becomes the biggest thing since SlamBall.

5. 1958 is an important year for both LSU's and Iowa's football programs. Both universities won national championships, with LSU being voted as such before bowl season. Iowa won their claim to the national championship after defeating Cal in the Rose Bowl, with the Football Writers Association of America awarding the Hawkeyes the Grantland Rice Trophy. Fans on message boards representing both sides of the argument have already said it's time to "settle the score" from 1958 with a game in 2014, because this is the internet and everyone is insane.

6. Longtime Iowa head coach Hayden Fry had the visitors' locker rooms painted pink, in hopes of inducing a "passive mood" in Iowa's opponents before each home game. The locker room is also located in whatever universe Heffalumps and Woozles exist in.

7. This little slice of Americana was slated to be the trophy for the Iowa-Iowa State rivalry game in 2011. The public widely ridiculed the trophy, which actually induced death by wholesomeness in three Iowa counties. When asked why he made the trophy in such a way, the designer said "It's Iowa. Have you ever been to Iowa? I mean, what the hell else is there?"

8. Herky the Hawk is staring into your soul and wants you to go burn things.

9. Iowa sued Southern Mississippi many moons ago, stating that USM's new logo unveiled in 2003 is too similar to their own primary logo. The case has been held up in court for some time, as it is the burden of the plaintiff to prove to the judge that the state of Iowa actually exists.

10. Iowa's band plays the Hawkeye Victory Polka after wins, which is a take on the tune "In Heaven There is No Beer." If we tried this at LSU, it would last for one week and students would add in eighteen swear words.

Thank you for joining us this season! See you in August when we explain how Barry Alvarez is a necromancer just ahead of the opener against Wisconsin!