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Athlon's Anonymous SEC Coach Outtakes

Oh sure, you saw what made the magazine...

We're itching closer to one of the offseason halfway points -- the preseason magazine release dates! Personally, I stick with Phil Steele, mostly for the information overload he gives you (not so much his predictions -- so accurate! Just ask him!), but to each their own, and Athlon, Lindy's and Sporting News are certainly still out there, so somebody must be buying them.

One of the standard features involves quoting certain "anonymous SEC coaches" regarding each of the league's 12 teams. Sure, they usually just parrot whatever the popular message board opinion is of the team in question, but hey, I'm sure some people value them. In LSU's case, one of Athlon's writers has been tweeting about the slow and steady decline of LSU. Now, before you stop and wonder how a team that's gone 22-2 in the last two regular seasons is in a slow and steady decline, just keep in mind some of the outtakes that don't make the magazine:

  • Alabama: "Look, I'm not saying Nick Saban uses lifts. I'm not. But I've shaken his hand on the field and at SEC media day, and he was only at eye level in Birmingham."
  • Arkansas: "Everybody thinks Brett Bielema is soooo hot. But I've been in a locker room with him, and he totally stuffs his bra."
  • Auburn: "He'll deny it, but get a little merlot in Bobby Lowder and suddenly he's off in a corner sobbing into his phone about Tommy this and Tommy that..."
  • Florida: "Somebody told me Will Muschamp spent his first week in Gainesville pissing a circle around every tree on Florida's campus."
  • Georgia: "Little known fact -- former Georgia stars David Greene and David Pollack played Pop Warner football together."
  • Kentucky: "I'm going to tell you something funny about Kentucky fans. They don't even really like basketball that much, they just haven't been able to tell Ashley Judd for the last 20 years."
  • LSU: "I once overheard somebody tell Les that Bo went to Auburn. It still pisses him off that they don't play on ‘Schembechler Field'."
  • Mississippi State: "One of our players was recruited by Dan Mullen. They still love his performance in Disney's Sword and the Stone."
  • Missouri: "Mike Slive just HAD to have another excuse to drive to Branson..."
  • Ole Miss: "I once saw their AD cut off a lock of Eli Manning's hair and then totally deny it even though a whole room full of people saw him do it. Weird stuff..."
  • South Carolina: "Jadeveon Clowney visited us, and man, I gotta say we really wanted him. But it would've blown our food budget to hell. I mean you can only let a defensive lineman eat so many head of cattle. Carolina must have a booster with a couple ranches."
  • Tennessee: "Butch Jones is a smart guy, and he's willing to take a lot of chances when it comes to football. But I gotta say, I never thought I'd see him use his uncanny John Gruden impersonation to land a job."
  • Texas A&M: "Johnny Football seems like a punk, but he's really a nice kid. He doesn't get the whole ‘Yell Leader' thing either."
  • Vanderbilt: "James Franklin has pointy elbows. 2/10, would not bang."