Ric Flair Has Got a Message for the SEC

WOOOOOOOO!!!! South!! Eastern!!! Conference!!! BA-TAWN ROOOJ, LUZIANA!!! WOOOOOO!!!!

The man is back and he's here to set a few things straight. So everybody sit right down, because we're gonna go to school for a moment here. You know they like to say that Ric Flair has fallen off. That he can't go like he used to. That he can't compete night-in and night-out with the best in this business. Well the Nature Boy's here and he's got a few things to say.

WOOOO!!! Look at that one in the front row! You know she's been in line for five years now, and sister, you just might get to the front tonight and take a ride. WOOOOO!!!! Is she a looker, or what?

You know, every once in a while, a man like myself -- a man with a taste for the finer things in life -- has to take a little break. A little breather. A chance to relax. I gave ‘em what they wanted in Las Vegas! I closed the 40/40 club down in New York! I bought a few new Rolexes, a couple Armani Suits! A brand-new Mercedes-Benz and I enjoyed the things that a silver spoon affords me, including any woman in the world I want. Lots of ‘em. WOOO. But Ric Flair is back, and he's here to conduct business. Some of y'all might think you got a little over on the Nature Boy, but every fall, I'm back just like those pretty colored leaves. And I've got a little list prepared.

2013 LSU Football Schedule

Aug. 31 TCU in Arlington, Texas
Sept. 7 UAB in Baton Rouge
Sept. 14 Kent State in Baton Rouge
Sept. 21 Auburn in Baton Rouge
Sept. 28 Georgia in Athens, Ga.
Oct. 5 Mississippi State in Starkville, Miss.
Oct. 12 Florida in Baton Rouge
Oct. 19 Ole Miss in Oxford, Miss.
Oct. 26 Furman in Baton Rouge
Nov. 2 Open
Nov. 9 Alabama in Tuscaloosa, Ala.
Nov. 16 Open
Nov. 23 Texas A&M in Baton Rouge
Nov. 30 Arkansas in Baton Rouge

You know I look at this list, I see some big names, I see some small ones, but they all got ONE. THING. IN COMMON. I've beaten ‘em all once, and I can do it again! I've taken on the best, in front of the best, everywhere in this country. The Nature Boy gets knocked down sometimes, but he don't ever stay down! I know some of y'all think Slick Rick's a little passed his prime. You think "hey, we almost got ‘im last year, we've got 'im this time!" Well let me tell you somethin' right here. That line that goes out the side door and stretches three blocks -- they don't care who rode Space Mountain last year, they don't care who rode Space Mountain last week, they don't care who rode Space Mountain last night! They only care who's gonna take a ride tonight!! WOOOOOO!!

I've traveled allllll these roads before, been to allllll these stadiums, and SOLD ‘EM OUT! And when I go home at night, and rest my head on those 400-count Egyptian cotton sheets! WOOOO! I sleep like a BABY! Because I know that when I get back in that ring, I'm gonna style and profile on each. And every. One of ‘em. NEVER FORGET! Whether I'm on the bottom, or I'm on TOP, you're lookin' at the gold standard in this business folks, and as many as Commissioner Slive wants to set up, the Nature Boy is here to knock ‘em down.

And girls! WOOO! You can find me ANYWHERE you see my name on the marquee! Dallas! Athens! Starkville! EVEN TUSCALOOSA ALABAMA! And you can ride Space Mountain ALLLL night long! But ONLY, if you are 18 years old, or older! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

*special thanks to the man, the myth, the legend -- @LSUFreek