Our friends from the Plains are back in Baton Rouge for another footballing contest. As with every week, the fine staff at ATVS would like to tell you some things you might not know about our opponent, the Tigers of Auburn University. These facts have been meticulously researched and are of the utmost truthiness.
1.) Auburn possesses a rather large lathe once used to make cannons during the Civil War. The campus legend surrounding the lathe is that, if it doesn't move as an Auburn man kisses a woman at midnight, then she is a true Auburn woman. Every time Auburn alumna (and girlfriend of Alabama quarterback AJ McCarron) Katherine Webb walks near the lathe, it falls off of its base.
2.) One day each semester Auburn students partake in what is known as "Hey Day." During Hey Day, students write their names on nametags and are encouraged to say "hey!" to everyone in an effort to promote friendliness. However, some students do not adhere to this tradition in full. During the Spring 2013 semester, the two most popular names among male freshmen were "Leon Sandcastle" and "Assman420."
3.) A few years back, a pair of former Auburn head coach and athletic director Pat Dye's pants were found on the bottom of Lake Martin. Inside of his pants were his wallet, car keys, and a golf scorecard noting that Dye had shot a 106 for his round. It also had "your golf game is about as good as your pants, and your pants look like horse shit" written on it. The scorecard was signed by one "S. Spurrier."
4.) Until 1960, Auburn was known as the Alabama Polytechnic Institute (look at the fine print). Though it had colloquially been known as Auburn since its establishment in 1856, the change could not occur until the university took part in 24-hour call-in vote special hosted by Ryan Seacrest. BONUS FACT: Ryan Seacrest is 459 years old.
5.) Each Spring, Auburn hosts its annual "A-Day" spring football game as a part of its larger Founders' Day celebration. It is also a tradition for the same fifteen Alabama fans to show up to every A-Day and say "WHY CAN'T THEY BOTH LOSE?" in unison for four quarters.
6.) The Tommy Tuberville era at Auburn reached its pinnacle on September 13, 2008, when the Tigers defeated Mississippi State 3-2. Realizing this, he phoned the rest of the 2008 season in and headed for California, but got lost and wound up in Lubbock, Texas.
7.) Auburn's home ground, Jordan-Hare Stadium, is named in honor of the motorcycle race storied head coach Shug Jordan had against "Bobby the Wiley Hare," a famous circus animal at the time. Jordan, allegedly, won the race by "being human" and "having thumbs," although accounts of both remain sketchy, at best.
8.) Spirit, one of the famed eagles that circle Auburn's crowd at home games, only flew into that window because it was trying to eat the cat of a rich donor who was sitting in a suite. Spirit has sophisticated tastes, and will do what she must to fulfill them.
9.) Famous Auburn alumnus Bo Jackson has an adamtium skeleton, heals within seconds, and is one of the X-Men. This is an indisputable fact. He also may, or may not, be Spider-Man. Jackson, along with basketball legend Michael Jordan and hockey's Great One, Wayne Gretzky, were the original choices for Joss Whedon's adaptation of The Avengers, but studios balked when Jordan insisted on having Charles Oakley serve as an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.
10.) On April 23, 2013, college athletics lost one of its greatest traditions as the trees of Toomer's Corner were cut down, after Harvey Updyke (allegedly) poisoned them two and a half years earlier. "Al from Dadeville" has since moved to Louisiana, and we wish we could send him somewhere nice like Detroit, because quite frankly we don't want him either.
As always, we hope everyone learned a lot, and we'll see you on Saturday!