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CLM Punk Drops a Pipe Bomb on Nick Saban

*CLM Punk hits a GTS to Nick Saban through a table, grabs microphone, and walks to the top of the entrance ramp*

Nick Saban, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me.  I want you to digest this because before I leave Tiger Stadium in six days, ending your streak and sending your fans home crying, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.

I don't hate you, Nick. I don't even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in this conference.

What I hate is this idea that you're the best.

Because you're not.


There's one thing you're better at than I am and that's kissing Mike Slive's ass.

I am the best coach in the world.

I've been the best since day one when I walked into this conference. And I've been vilified and hated since that day because LSU saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That's right, I'm a LSU guy.

I've grabbed so many of Mike Slive's brass rings that it's finally dawned on me that they're just that, they're completely imaginary. The only thing that's real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for ten years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the BEST IN THIS LEAGUE, ON THAT FIELD, IN RECRUITING, and in everything else involving SEC football.

And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I'm not sent to the top bowl games.  I'm dismissed by the talking heads on ESPN.  I'm constantly told that I won a championship because of your players.  I'm given the most difficult schedules and told to prove my worth.  I'm dismissed as a fluke, all because of some arbitrary narrative.

*Crowd lets out a loud cheer for CLM Punk*

Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me being pissed off as anything else. Because you're the ones who boo my players at home.  You're the ones that show up 30 minutes after kickoff and leave in the third quarter with the game not decided.  You're the ones that constantly call for me to get fired.   Even when I win a big game, you proclaim the decline is inevitable and right around the corner and it's only a matter of time before I screw it all up.

I'm the only one with the guts to stand up to this league and its glad handing Alabama yes men.  I'm going to show you all why I'm the best in the world when the sun goes down on November the 8th.  I'm leaving Tiger Stadium with a victory.  I'm the best in the world, and I'm going to prove it again on Saturday.