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Offseason Y'all: the DEFINITIVE SEC Coach Rankings

It’s June, which means pre-season magazines, which means COACH RANKINGS.

USA TODAY Sports

Summer is finally here. We're just a few days away from #Steelemas, and Athlon's preview magazines have already hit most store shelves. It's an important date for you, the college football fan. How else will you know who's good, who sucks or what player names to remember? On top of that, there are the ever valuable coach rankings, which always give us all a solid pecking order to count on. Because let's face it, you might think your coach is doing a solid job, but what about in relationship to his peers? The hell with the ever-changing dynamics of other programs, this stuff has to be in list form, otherwise how might we know?

On that note, we offer the DEFINITIVE ranking of all fourteen coaches in the Southeastern Conference. Entirely based on height.

1.       Bret Bielemma: The facts speak for themselves. BERT towers above the competition.

2.       Gus Malzahn: He's attracted a lot of attention in the last year, and the rest of the league sure is looking up to him right now.

3.       Gary Pinkel: That 2013 run sure had heads turning and necks craning to see Coach Pinkel.

4.       Kevin Sumlin: Meets the requirement to ride the Aggies' #SWAGcopter.

5.       Mark Richt: The dean of SEC coaches at a current job, he's certainly not short on tenure.

6.       Will Muschamp: You can laugh if you want, but I bet you can't look him in the eye while you do it.

7.       Les Miles: There's a whole lotta coach underneath that white hat.

8.      Dan Mullen: Elevated the program in Starkville, but has he peaked?

9.       Steve Spurrier: The Old Ball Coach still has some stature in this league, although it is diminishing.

10.   Hugh Freeze: The Ice Man still has a ways to go to reach the summit.

11.   Derek Mason: He's the new guy on the scene but he already stands out a bit by comparison.

12.   Mark Stoops: It's hard to know what to think, because it's a tough climb at a program like Kentucky.

13.   Butch Jones: Ol' Rocky Top ain't as high as she used to be.

14.   Nick Saban: Simply put, he just doesn't measure up to the rest of the conference.