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Ten Sentences: Wisconsin

A few words on the Badgers.


Founded in 1848, a band of fur trappers established the University of Wisconsin when they "killed ‘em a few a cases of High Life and passed out where they lay."

When the United States government bestowed land grant status upon the university, Miller Brewing commemorated the occasion by producing High Life in camo cans.

Badger fans still drink High Life from camo cans to this day, and it is widely regarded as one the greatest traditions in college football

Wisconsin head coach Gary Andersen is just a boring T-1000.

The Badgers have started the same person at quarterback since Barry Alvarez was head coach, his last Identity being that of "Scott Tolzien."

Except for when Russell Wilson transferred in, who was essentially a decoy used to throw the NCAA off of Wisconsin's practice of using the same quarterback since 1990 and to win a Rose Bowl (oops).

Wisconsin keeps said bland, immortal quarterback in a small room behind Barry Alvarez's office in Wisconsin's athletic administration building, where he subsists on three buckets of fish heads, a brick of cheddar cheese, and a pot of black coffee a day.

Nowadays, this immortal quarterback is known as "Joel Stave," rather than his birth name, which is Hugo.

Wisconsin's tradition of playing "Jump Around" before the fourth quarter is part of a larger statewide tradition of "doing things when you are told to do them."

Because of the aforementioned statewide tradition, things get really weird when Wisconsin's students do the "eat shit, fuck you" cheer.