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Paul Crewe here. Back with yet another, BIG. GAME. PREVIEW. Tough loss last week. Deep down we all know State cheated (Stompgate 2.0, plus, since when can a quarterback run and throw?). We'll let them enjoy their spoils, because when they lose the next 8 in a row, it'll be funny to be ahead of them in the standings yet again.
Anywho, a new week, a new opponent. This time, we get the Aggies. No, not those Aggies, the other Aggies. The ones from New Mexico. Er, New Mexico State. Wreck 'em. Gig 'em. Sic 'em. Hook 'em. Whatever 'em you guys do. Oh that's a Texas thing? Okay. Ummm, so what do you do in New Mexico besides smoke pot and climb mountains? Oh that's it. Okay. Welp.
What Came First: The Aggies or the Aggies?
Where is Old Mexico!?!?!
Here is New Mexico:
Here is Mexico:
Someone must know where Old Mexico is , right? Let's Google it!
Shit! 18.6 million results. Glad I'm not the only one curious where the hell Old Mexico is.
Hmmmm... let's see....
FOUND IT!
:( Old Mexico is closed.
Won't You Be My Neighbor?
This is Mr. Tyler Rogers. He plays quarterback for New Mexico State but he also hosts a children's television show where he changes cardigans and shoes regularly, sings songs, talks to puppets and plays with toy trains.
If this were a television show in 2014, Chris Hansen would walk out the closet.
"Why don't you have a seat?" Chris Hansen says.
"Awww, man, I knew it!" says Mr. Tyler Rogers.
"You knew what? What's in the bag?" says Chris Hansen.
*Tyler Rogers hands over bag
*Hansen sorts through bag finds 24 hand puppets.
"What were you going to do with these puppets?" Hansen plies.
"Those are my friends. They live in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. It's a fictional kingdom," says Rogers.
"Oh god, you really are a monster." Hansen gasps.
Striking The Wonder Dog
New Mexico State carries a pretty cool tradition wherein a border collie runs onto the field and fetches kicking tees after the kickoffs. Pretty neat little trick, no? Striking replaced Smoki, the original Wonder Dog. Here's a pic of Striking in action:
But I decided to test his real skills. Just what all could The Wonder Dog actually fetch?
Striking, bring me a beer. Nothin' snooty.
Gooooooood boooyyyyyy!
Striking, bring me a taco!
Well, that's a pretty gross looking taco, but I guess I can't be picky. Gooooooood boooyyyyyy!
Striking, bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia!
Gooooooood boooyyyyyy!
Striking, bring me Nick Saban!
Gooooooood boooyyyyyy! You're a good boy, Striking, aren't you!?
YOU SURE YOU WANT SOME?
A potent cocktail of love and bullets describes pretty much every Les Miles gameplan ever.
Bubba Sparxxx Wrote a Song About You!
Aggie, Aggie, Aggie, Aggie, rockin' everywhere
Aggie, Aggie, Aggie, Aggie, rockin' everywhere
Aggie, Aggie, Aggie, Aggie, rockin' everywhere
Rockin' everywhere, rockin' everywhere
I found you Ms. New Aggie
Get it together and bring it back to me
Hit the playa's club for about a month or two Put his hand on it then see what it do
I found you Ms. New Aggie
Get it together and bring it back to me
Hit the playa's club for about a month or two
Put his hand on it then see what it do
Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight
Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight
Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight
Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight
OH GOD STOP IT NOW
Brandon Harris is TAKEN
Aggie Standoff!
Because there's nothing more intimidating than a strange young man with a fake moustache, assless chaps and a pair of cap guns.
Wait, that is pretty god damn frightening, actually. Everyone abort. Leave now. Bring your valuables. And children.
Please, LSU, why don't you play with my train with me?
Sad Tyler Rogers is sad.
Put me in, Coach
Doug Martin, New Mexico State's head coach, played football at Kentucky. He played QB there from 1981-1984.
In 1982 Martin played in 8 games, completed only 47% of his passes, threw 1 TD to 6 INTs, and managed only 5.0 YPA. He rushed for -79 yards.
Kentucky did not win a single football game in 1982.
Doug Martin never played in another game.
Some things never change...*
via pbs.twimg.com
"Got another A in chemistry... some things will never change........"
"Coke still tastes like Coke... some things will never change........."
"Miracle Whip is not an acceptable mayonnaise substitute.... some things will never change......."
"Miller Lite is still BOTH less filling and tastes great... some things will never change......."
"Got football practice today... some things will never change......"
"Campus under construction?... some things will never change......"
"Blade II is better than the original.... some things will never change....."
*h/t to Billy for the help here.
WAC
BLOW IT UP! BLOW. IT. ALL. UP.
Tough loss? The only solution is to blow it up. Get out your ACME supply and unload. BOOM!
I-Formation? BOOM!
Anthony Jennings as starter? KA-POW!
D.J. Welter? BA-BOOOSH!
Inside Toss? POW POW POW
John Chavis' Defensive Schemes? CA-CRACK
South Endzone expansion? Aw, hell, why not. BA-BOOOM!
Let's go ahead and get Javi Sanchez while we're at it. So what if he's already gone. CRUMP!
GENIUS!
The Man With No Name
I would tell you to draw, but you're already dead. Such is what happens when you encounter the Man with No Name. Beaten but not dead, LSU comes back this week with a merciless vengeance and exhausts their frustrations upon a hapless bunch of Aggies. The quick and the dead; this one will be over before you know it.
LSU: 56
NMSU: 5