clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

LSU vs. Sam Houston State: BIG. GAME. PREVIEW.

New, 24 comments

BIG. GAME. PREVIEW. gives you the hardest hitting analysis in all the college football world.

Paul Crewe here with your weekly BIG. GAME. PREVIEW. I said it last week and BY GOD PAWWWWWLLLL it happened. We beat dem Badgers into a black and white pulp. Who knew such a ferocious animal could only last 3/4ths of a fight. I mean, I ain't sayin' they quit, but there was a no want for tryin' as ole Les would say. Anywho, as Jay-Z would say, it's on to the next one. This week: Sam Houston State.

First, a word from our Sponsors.

Today's BIG. GAME. PREVIEW. is brought to you by the letter K.

Kermit_medium

Where are you, Sam Houston State?

We polled 767 Sam Houstons and none of them klaimed to be a state. I googled "States in the United States," "Is Sam Houston a State?" "Where is the state of Sam Houston?" "States named Sam Houston" and no results were returned. Thus, I have two working theories:

Theory A

Sam Houston State is a kollektion of the kountry's most powerful and elite personalities who sekretly run the kountry from the elusive "state" of Sam Houston.

┳┻| I
┳┻| L
┻┳| L
┳┻| U
┻┳| M
┳┻| I
┻┳| N
┳┻| A
┻┳| T
┳┻| I
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳|
┳┻|
┻┳| •.•)
┳┻|⊂ノ
┻┳|


Theory B

Sam Houston is not a State.

Sam Houston State of Mind

No, Seriously, Where are you, Sam Houston State?

Samhoustonmap_medium

Oh, ok.

Who is Sam Houston?

Apparently, this guy:

Samhoustonman_medium

He invented Texas. He did it in 18 minutes. Therefore, it's fitting that the State's finest institution would karry his namesake. Go Bearkats!

What is a Bearkat?

Let's do a quikk searkh here...

Bearkatdefinition_medium

Wait, but this:

Kinkajou_medium

and this:

Binturong_medium

Don't look like this:

Sam_houston_bearkat_medium

Here are, what I believe, to be some other examples of Bearkats:

Bearcat_medium

Travoltacat2_medium

Bearkattwilliams_medium

Sit bakk there and say my hair ain't luxurious, bitkh.

Esteemed Alumni

Texas' finest institution no doubt boasts a proud Alumni base. Here's a sampling:

Gunga Dan, News Ankhor

6a0115720d4e87970b01a511f5acb3970c-pi_medium

via www.caroljoynt.com

L.N. "Sonny" Sikes, Texas Kowboy Hall of Fame

Sikesathome_medium

via www.shsu.edu

Anton Vinkent, Vike President; President of Snakks, General Mills (no really, he's President of Snakks)

Anton-vincent-exec-photo_medium

via cdn.blackenterprise.com

Marcus Luttrell, Navy Cross Recipient, best-selling Author

00003472798588_medium

via calkellogg.com

(no jokes, because Marcus Lutrell is a baddass)

Mr. Ass

Jaws13_medium

via hubsub54.files.wordpress.com

Yeah, I'm an ASS MAN.

Big Ass Statue

Lesstatue_medium

Not nearly as impressive as they make it out be, huh?

Dream Skenario

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." - Edgar Allan Poe

Keelerdream_medium

Watch Out For!

Jared the HUNH. Sam Houston State likes to run a lot of plays. It's guerrilla warfare at it's finest folks. Sabotage, raids, ambushes, oh my! You know the Bearkats are gonna pull out all the stops in this one.

Jaredthehunh_medium

Air Raid. Transformers Wiki summarizes better than I ever could:

Some might call Air Raid reckless, the way he dives out of nowhere, charging enemy units head on. Air Raid would laugh at that. A rash and fearless young warrior who loves surprises (especially those that leave his foes too stunned to fight back), he has only one real goal in life: to have fun. Needless to say his attitude puts him in a lot of danger, but you can be sure he's enjoying himself the whole time.

Airraid2_medium

Should I Pass?

Key Elements to the Sam Houston Offense

Base Offense

588372693_o_medium

via img.auctiva.com

BIG Personnel

309915382_medium

via 6.kicksonfire.net

Multiple Looks from Same Personnel

32_medium

via images.sneakernews.com

Trick Play!

Nike-air-raid-peace-2014-1_medium

via sneakernews.com

This is Your Brain on Drugs

Nike-air-raid-white-atomic-mango-turbo-green-laser-crimson-01-570x410_medium

via sneakernews.com


Leslie Walker, Texas Ranger

Lestexasranger_medium

Les Miles: 7
Texas: 0

Everything's bigger in Texas, exkept their win total vs. Les Miles at LSU.

LSU: 56
Sam Houston State: 0