Playin' ... "Nice" ... : Eastern Michigan

1. Is it true that Eastern, Western and Central Michigan can combine with Michigan and Michigan State to form Rustbelt Voltron but the Big 10 schools think they're too good for it?

My sources are in an agreement with you. Additionally, the Big Ten schools are now looking to ban Rustbelt Voltron from playing its first year on campus to focus on academics.

2. Just one ranked opponent on the schedule this season? WHY Y'ALL HIDIN' FROM A TOUGH SCHEDULE?

Don't you tell me how to live my life. I know WMU's just got playing two top-5 teams, CMU also played MSU, and we beat Wyoming. I'm not even too worried about it, but Rutgers better step it up come 2017.

3. So what are you guys doing with that MACtion fairy dust all the other teams in the league seem to have? Or do we want to know?

You don't feel it at first, but you'll know that you've caught the fever maybe three months later when you start noticing all the symptoms. Pretty soon "MACtion" will just be a part of your daily vocabulary. Then you'll start getting angry at people that don't root for their own school. Next thing you know, you'll be beating Arkansas.

4. Is it true you tried to join the Sun Belt just because you thought a happier-sounding conference would help deal with depression?

Yes but no. Here's the story: I applied to join the Sun Belt a few years back. Nobody cares about it but you gotta figure that its stock will skyrocket eventually, so I'd rather jump on board ASAP. Didn't do it out of depression: I just hate living in Michigan during the winters and they have "sun" right in its name.

I was denied because I told them that #FunBelt needed to be changed.