Playin' ... "Nice"... : Alligator Army

Any last requests? Preference as to how you'd like to be cooked and/or clothing accessory you'd like to be made into? Boots, belt, purses, etc.?

Those are only necessary for people who actually die. But I wonder if pulled human would be good?

Oh, and I think I'd probably be best as a series of wallets that is consistently empty, which would be an appropriate tribute to my life.

Do you think Jonathan Bullard has fielded any calls from Auburn's Rudy Ford on what to expect from Mr. Fournette?

I'd guess not, considering that Jonathan Bullard a) probably has no clue who Rudy Ford is; b) is actually good at football and c) is bigger than Fournette. If that Mack truck wearing No. 7 is running anyone over, it's Vernon Hargreaves ... again. And then he and other LSU players can make fun of a guy who may have been concussed again!

After Jim McElwain's sideline meltdown on Kelvin Taylor, did the UF athletic department set up counseling for any fans that had post-traumatic stress related to Will Muschamp?

No. That would cost money. We need that money for gymnastics, duh.

We've seen Florida football players block their own teammates. We've seen them tackle them. Are you excited to be on the forefront of intra-squad football activity research?

First off: I don't think "the forefront" makes sense. Florida was but one of bodies doing research in the field. Sure, the Gators did the research beautifully and famously, but they were far from the first to do it.

Actually, I'm more upset that foremost test subject Quinton Dunbar is a pro now. He was an integral part of the 2013 studies (there was more than one, as only those privy to every scrap of research know), and his presence no doubt influenced the 2014 instance of Florida blocking itself. Now, it appears that Florida's pioneering research is mostly serving as inspiration for others on the offensive side, and being put into application on defense.

One hopes this works out as well as the most famous instance of Florida did something better than other schools did first.