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How To Football: Week 8

The specials this week at Cafe du Football.

Hosea 9:6- Mempis will bury them
Hosea 9:6- Mempis will bury them

LSU plays their fourth straight home game this week, and if you're going to the homecoming tilt against Western Kentucky, the good news is that you're not likely to miss much.

Gameday is making it's rounds in Harrisonburg, VA for their annual FCS stop, highlighting the Richmond-James Madison rivalry. Nevermind that the game isn't being broadcast on the ESPN family or any other major network (Comcast Sportsnet picked it up), it's become tradition and it's usually awesome.

Funbelt Shift

Arkansas State is featured for a second week in a row for Funbelt Tuesday, this week playing host to USL after the Red Wolves used a 29 point 4th to surge ahead of South Alabama 49-31.

Rhule Of Thirds Shift

Matt Rhule and his merry band of undefeated, top 25 Owls go to ECU on ESPN 2. This is a huge play for the Owls and their quest for national exposure to help their outside shot. 30 minutes later, Georgia State Southern and Appalachian State serves as the garnish for that appetizer, leading to the...

Goin (Goin) Back (Back) To Cali (Cali) Shift

where future New Orleans Saints quarterback (Saints front office competence pending) Jared Goff and Cal try to bounce back from their only blemish on the year stemming from a tough game against Utah, with UCLA, who are reeling after two straight PAC-12 losses.

Mempis Shift

Coming off their huge upset of Ole Miss, the appointed leaders of the Group Of 5 Memphis also look for decent national exposure against 3-3 Tulsa.

Chuckie Keeton Memorial Shift

Utah State will likely never be as fun as they were with a healthy Chuckie Keeton, but the 4-2 lesser known Aggies are coming off of a 52-26 clowning of Boise State last Friday night. This week, they play guest to San Diego State, who just shut down the closest threat to Leonard Fournette in rushing yards, Tyler Ervin and San Jose State 30-7.

Dabo Vice Shift

Dabo Swinney and his boys leave the cozy comforts of The Swamp Saturday to visit Enterprise Employee of the Month Al Golden. Dabo don't believe in no "Clemsoning" just the same as he don't believe in no church that don't put the fear of God in ya, but I believe in Enterprise's ability to totally screw you on the insurance. Elsewhere, it's Iowa State's turn to be fed into the Baylor death machine. Which is well deserved, given that their mascot is a BIRD WITH HUMAN TEETH. Kansas State has lost two straight against TCU and Oklahoma, but they are completely different losses in that one was an actual respectable football game and one was a early aughts Stoops throwback game. They'll enter the Darrel K. Royal Memorial Library to play Bevo-less Texas. Rest in peace, big guy. After winning the $5 Bits Of Broken Chair trophy, Nebraska plays host to Northwestern, who have now been outscored in their last two games by 78-10. Auburn and Arkansas round off the shift on the SEC Net. Do not stare directly at that game for more than six seconds, please give it the Vine treatment.

Mark Dantrollio Shift

After skipping out on the post game handshake with Harbaugh, Mark Dantonio asked a simple question to Spartan fans after the crazy ending to their rivalry game with Michigan. I've thoroughly enjoyed Dantonio turning heel, but I'm personally torn here because for some reason, I'd like to see Indiana find some solid ground to build success on. Tennessee's annual asskicking from Bama is on CBS on Texas Tech and Oklahoma duke it out for third place in the Big 12.  UVA-North Carolina and Duke-Virginia Tech even it out because wow this shift and the ACC are awful why.

If You Don't Chew Big Red Shift

Outside of the Western Kentucky-LSU game I'm going to spoil by telling you that Western Kentucky will score enough points to piss off LSU fans, Texas A&M goes to Oxford to play the Black Bears. Kyle Allen Field! $w@g Kelly! Juicy!  Utah, whom I firmly believe is the most balanced and best team in the nation right now, take a trip to The Coliseum to play the head coach-less (and soon to be AD-less) Trojans, who to their credit put up a fight in South Bend against the Irish last week. The 2015 "How The Hell Did This Happen Tech" Tour continues when Florida State rides up to Atlanta to dispatch of my poor bees while we keep an eye on The Ohio State-Rutgers in case the impossible happens.

All Right Now Shift

Lost in all the astonishment over the insanse Francis Owusu catch is the fact that Stanford already had a well-established lead over UCLA and was on their way to a 56-35 beating of UCLA. Since their week 1 mishap against Northwestern, the Cardinal have averaged 45 points a game and have tightened their grip on the PAC 12 North and found their way into the Top 10. I still like Utah in the PAC 12, but Stanford is showcasing how a loss can actually be for the good of a team. Boise looks to save face after last week by going to Wyoming, who got Craig Bohl his first FBS win last week. Colorado and Oregon State are the last scraps on the table.

Hawaii plays stateside again, so no sexy Kekaula this week.