Weh-hell-hellllll. Another year, and it seems like ONCE AGAIN, the HEARTBREAK KID is in PRIIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIME to take on the big, bad Alabama Crimson Tide.
Bryant-Denny Stadium. 102,000 fans. 500 teeth, but I digress! And they will all be there, to see the show of a lifetime. The main event. In short, they're going to be there to see ME.
Alabama, you can live in the past, you can talk about all those championships as many times as you wanna -- and we all know that your favorite topic is yourself. Ol' HBK is the present and the future of this business.
I AM THE SHOW-STOPPER.
I AM. THE MAIN. EVENT.
You people know who I am, and you know what I can do. I've beaten Alabama before, and I'm gonna beat 'em again.
In fact, once I tune up the band, I'm going to kick loose the last tusk, in Tuscaloosa.
Put whoever you want on the other sideline. Drag out Bear Bryant's dusty ol' corpse if you want, or give Nick Saban a couple of phone books to stand on if you want. It doesn't matter, because every single eye in that building will be right here, on the Heartbreak Kid.
And when the night is over, and THE CLIQUE have taken down the phenom of college football. When I have shown THE WORLD, that I am the pinnacle -- THE ICON OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL -- the greatest performer this sport has ever seen! Alabama, you will always have the memory of when you had your chance to touch greatness.
But if I can be brief for a moment, let me talk about Coach Saban a bit. Shawn Michaels may know a little about a lot, but he doesn't know a lot about being little. And I know ol' Nicky loves to scream and shout and raise all that ruckus, because how the hell else are we ever gonna hear him up here.
Nick, you can call 'em up from coast to coast. From Eastern Michigan, to Upstate New York, to Florida...you can even call the OL BALL COACH off in that retirement home I sent him to. They will all tell you the same thing that I'm gonna tell you right here, right now. The Heartbreak Kid lies down, for NOBODY.
Not for you. Not for anybody. I don't care what you did last year. I don't care what you did last week. On November 7, you're going down, and the Heartbreak Kid is gonna be standing tall.
AND IF YOU'RE NOT DOWN WITH THAT...