EDITOR'S NOTE: This piece is entirely satirical and just for fun, in case you couldn't tell.
We aren't in the business of breaking much news over here at And the Valley Shook, but a few of our sources have dialed us in to some hot information regarding the LSU coaching situation. Right now, we do not expect Les Miles to return to LSU following the 2015 season. The administration is fed up with losses to subpar opponents and the inability to beat Alabama. Alleva has never been that fond of Miles to begin with, but even he knew he couldn't fire a coach winning 10+ games a season. Now that the results have thinned, Alleva feels more comfortable making a move. Who will be the next head coach at LSU? We don't know, but here's a list of some of the top names under consideration.
1) Nick Saban
Yes, you read that right. Saban is growing tired of unrealistic expectations and difficult boosters at Alabama, and our sources say the biggest regret of his coaching career was ever leaving LSU in the first place. Sources close to Saban say he believes restoring LSU from mediocrity would be the crowning achievement of his career.
2) Kirby Smart or Lane Kiffin
We've heard mixed reports on these two names, but apparently Alleva is so desperate to get a piece of the Alabama pie, he'll take anything. Smart is a guy many thought could be in the running for the DC opening last winter, and he's a long rumored head coaching candidate. Kiffin is notable for his failed run at USC, but our sources say Alleva feels the strong administration in place at LSU would give him the support he needs to succeed.
3) Bobby Petrino
Look, LSU nearly hired him before Miles in the first place. He was always the top choice, but he was apparently too busy joy riding on his motorcycle when Skip Bertman flew in to meet with him. This time, Bertman isn't around and Alleva believes LSU may need an offensive genius coach to right the ship. Petrino's character may worry some, but apparently he's promised he'll never have an affair with a student worker again.
4) Jack Del Rio
I know what you are thinking: Why would Del Rio leave a successful NFL gig for LSU? Well, Del Rio's daughter is a 19th year senior at LSU and apparently he'd love to be close to her. Our sources say LSU has long been Del Rio's dream job, so he'll definitely get an interview.
5) Randy Edsall
Alleva and Edsall go back to the 90s when they both lived. Edsall is currently without a job, so he could be a cheaper option for the school while they have to pay out Les Miles' gigantic buyout. Edsall failed at Maryland, but he's never had the type of talent LSU gets on a yearly basis.
6) Will Muschamp
Muschamp's reputation took a hit after his run at Florida, but LSU fans have long wanted him to return and Alleva reportedly has a lot of respect for how he ran the program and cleaned up the disciplinary issues. Insiders know that Florida team was in deep trouble when Urban Meyer left, so most don't hold it against Muschamp that he wasn't able to win more. Muschamp has LSU ties, so it would be a bit of homecoming for him.
7) Houston Nutt
WOWWWWW! If there's a shocker name on this, it's definitely this one. Nutt hasn't coached since he was fired from Ole Miss in 2011, but he's simply been waiting for the right opportunity and LSU is it. Remember, when Nick Saban left for the Miami Dolphins, Nutt was the guy he recommended fill his spot at LSU. It's been a decade in the making, but it could be time for Houston to come home and take control.
What do you think LSU fans?! This is a pretty big, exciting list, full of top flight candidates that could really take LSU from it's current state of mediocrity back into elite territory. Which coach would you pick??