You know, they say all men are created equal, but you look at me and you look at Nick Saban and you can see that statement is not true.
Normally, you've got a 50-50 chance of winning any football game. But because some dork got behind a laptop and dorked some numbers, apparently I've only got a 34% chance of winning.
But that's bullshit because I'm a genetic freak. You see, when you face this genetic freak, you're odds of winning are no more than 25%. Then you add in a Jacob Coker to the mix, and you're odds of winning go way down. I, I got at least a 68% chance of winning because my odds are always at least double what the stupid laptop says. And Jacob Coker, he knows he can't beat me and he's not even gonna try. So you take Saban's 66% chance, minus my 25% chance, and minus my 68% chance and you got a -27% chance of winning.
But then you take my 68% chance of winning, add in the 25%, and the 50% and I've got a 143% chance of winning at Tuscaloosa on Saturday.
See Nick Saban, the numbers don't lie and they spell disaster for you at night on Saturday.
You see Nick Saban, the only two things I care about are my freaks and my peaks. And when I beat your ass down in Tuscaloosa on Saturday, and put you in the Steiner recliner, I'm gonna whisper in your ear the same thing Miss Terry says every night. "Size does matter."