Playin'... "Nice...: Roll Bama Roll

So are y'all as surprised as we are to have the best offense in this thing?

Lately, I've been watching a lot of Mr. Robot. It touches on a lot of themes that speak to our modern society, specifically the lost of identity, and our tendency to allow self-destructive impulses to emerge from our subconscious.

I don't know who we are anymore.

How's Erik handling Bama's move to a true West Coast Offense?

He is doing about as well as can be expected. He is listening to a lot of Ke$ha, started streaming the Joy of Painting with Bob Ross videos off of Twitch.TV, and is about to open his Etsy store selling handwoven Christian art. He's still a little bummed that there aren't any territory openings for Stella and Dot in the Memphis area, but he has channeled that energy positively toward curating his Pinterest boards.

The Bye Week is a long slog, and can do a lot of things to a man.

If we could distill the line play in this game into a pill for testosterone replacement, what would we call it?

Ballerall.

Do you think Joey Freshwater has a Salt Life sticker on his Camaro?

Trick question. He probably would have the Salt Life sticker, but since those go on the glass and his Camaro is a convertible, there's no place to put one.

(I'm just kidding. He does have a Salt Life sticker, but Calvin is peeing on it.)

Rita Hayworth or Ava Gardner, who would Joey Freshwater rather nail?

Another trick question. If the options were just limited to those two, it would be Hayworth. But he would definitely fly the coop on both of them for Judy Garland. Not "Dorothy from Oz" Judy, but the hard-drinking hellion Judy that you don't need to Roofie.

I'm sure New Orleans is a bit old hat as a postseason destination for y'all, so where are y'all planning on choking this December?

We can choke in a lot of places. The mechanics of choking don't really change that much, as the key is to place the hands (or the crook of the arm) in the right place to cut off the flow to the carotid artery. Most people think of choking as simply an air passage issue, and assume you can hold your breath for a couple of minutes. But when we choke our opponents out properly, it's a rather quick affair. Once the flow of blood out of the brain is interrupted, you have a very painful hydraulic backup into the head, which a normal person cannot stand for more than a few seconds. It's an underappreciated skill that ends fights quickly.

Oh. You meant WE would be the ones who pass out?

We kinda like New Orleans for choking out our opponents. Or, maybe if they just go ahead and Judy Garland themselves, Joey Freshwater can teabag them. Because that never happens on Bourbon Street...

Since we both suck at special teams, I thought maybe we could just agree to skip that part this year - deal?

I'm good with that. Just as long as you don't think it is "special" if we trot out Brandon Greene as a tackle this year.