"Ladies and Gentleman. My name is Pauullllll Heymaaannnnnn. And it is the greatest privilege of my career to serve as the advocate for the BEAST INCARNATE... LUUUUHHHHESSSSS MILLLLLEEEESSSSNNNURRRRRR."
/boos from the crowd
"My client stands before you a doubted man. Every day. EVERY. DAY! My client wakes up, and he brushes his teeth and he can hear the chirping.
"Alabama football cannot be toppled!"
"Alabama football is destined for the playoffs."
"Alabama's defense cannot be run on."
"Alabama Alabama Alabama."
Every DAY! It's the same message. And my client... he hears these things. He hears it when he eats his eggs and toast. He hears it when he kisses his wife and goes to the office. He hears it when he reviews film. He hears it when he runs the Oklahoma drill. He hears it when he conducts the post practice press conference. ALA-BAMA. ALA-BAMA. ALA-BAMA. All day. Every day. Ad nauseum.
And you know what my client does when he hears this? He laughs. He laughs in the face of those who routinely and habitually tell him what he CAN. NOT. DO.
YOU'LL NEVER WIN AN SEC CHAMPIONSHIP.... NOOOOOOOO
YOU'LL NEVER WIN A NATIONAL TITLE... NOOOOOOOOOO
YOU'LL NEVER GO UNDEFEATED IN THE REGULAR SEASON.... NOOOOOOOOO
He LAUGHS. He laughs at those who have the temerity to tell my client that he CAN. NOT. So let's get one thing straight right now. My client fears NO. ONE. HE DOES NOT FEAR THINGS, BECAUSE THINGS FEAR HIM. YES, do you remember? Franklin D. Roosevelt once so eloquently stated that the only thing to fear is fear itself. And ladies and gentleman, right here, standing before you is the living, breathing FEAR ITSELF. The monster under your bed. The thing that goes bump in the night. The other, that haunts your every waking STEP.
Which brings me to you, Alabama Football. We are told, every DAY how we should fear you and your violent front seven. Every DAY we are told that we should fear your legendary head coach. Every DAY we are told that Leonard Fournette won't gain an inch. Every DAY we are told we should bow to our SEC Overlords, as if you are given to us as a very gift from YAHWEH himself. Four straight. FOUR. ONE. TWO. THREE. FOUR. We live with this pain, with this terror, every DAY. Every MONTH. Every YEAR.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
You do NOT make the rules. You do NOT set the standards. This is our world. This is our state. This is our city. Yes, Alabama, in front of 102,000 of our closest friends, we're going to take you to Fullback City. Just like Mississippi State, just like Auburn, and just like Florida.
My client is not here to talk, Alabama. He's not here to politic. He's not here to beg for rematches, or scold the media. All my client does -- EVERY SINGLE DAY -- is eat, sleep, conquer, repeat.
BREAK. THE STREAK.
BUH-RAKKEEEE. THE STREAK.
BUH-RAKKKEE. THE STREAK.
BUH-RAKKEEE. THE STREAK.