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And The Valley Shook Goes On A Cleanse

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Welcome to a judgement-free zone.

Moments before Earnhardt spun him out. The BNR y'all.
Moments before Earnhardt spun him out. The BNR y'all.

Football season is coming. You know this as well as I know this. So I was thinking before we get too caught up in worrying about our tailgates (coughcoughzraucough) we could maybe get everything we need to say off of our chest so we can go into the camp with nothing holding us back.

So air your uncommon opinions, thoughts, or views, what have you. It's ok because this is a judgement free zone. Do what you need to do in order to get some good juju sent our way. I'll start.

Tangled was much better than Frozen. Like, so much better. If you don't agree then you probably didn't watch Tangled. I won't acknowledge any arguments to the contrary.

I really liked Cars. Cars, for some reason, is the butt of every joke when defeners come out and say "oh movies were so much better in the 90's I was born le wrong generation", but it was the same as literally every other Disney/Pixar movie: a personified object makes friends in the unlikeliness of places after experiencing some huge hardship, and with the help of said friends overcomes the hardship 90 minutes. And it included racing references and the action scenes were really well done. Cars 2 was alright too, but I'm not paying 30 bucks for a Blu Ray Jesus Christ Disney come down off your god damn high horse.

Keeping with the NASCAR thing, nothing looks as good in HD as NASCAR night races. This isn't so much as an opinion as it is an observation, but it's true. Growing up, my neighborhood would always have a party for the BNR, or the Bristol Night Race for those not from the LP. That was always one of the few races of the year I could watch from start to finish because Bristol is a track that's probably the same size as Tiger Stadium, and when you put 43 cars on it, shit goes down (PS: that's one of the greatest intros I have ever seen). But on top of that, even in the era of cathode rays, watching night races is sooooo pretty and that helped a lot. It's the way the lights from the infield bounce off of the cars man.

I don't like IPAs. Especially in the summer. I've tried, I really have, but I don't see how y'all can be out in the heat all day and then think it's a good idea to pop back an IPA. In the winter they're slightly more bearable, but they don't taste any better. Give me an amber or pilsner during the summer.

There is such a thing as too much cheese. Over the past year I've been the butt of a lot of jokes for this stance. I'm not saying cheese sucks, but I personally can't do stuff like mac and cheese or cheese fries because that's just way too much cheese for somebody to be eating. And god, cheese on fast food hamburgers is the woooooorrrrrst. I only ever get cheese on burger if I'm at Chimes or somewhere similar, and I only ever spring for pepper jack.

Lana Del Rey is terribad. Like, awful. All she is is Amy Winehouse Light. I heard "Video Games" and I was really into it, but my god is the rest of her stuff underwhelming. I've reached the point where I've stopped listening to her new stuff all completely. And man, as much as I make my hatred of Drake well-known, at least I'll give his stuff a courtesy listen.

And now for the big one.

I find it hard to hate Auburn. Here comes Poseur to share how disgusted he is with me. But it's true. I've never met an Auburn fan that wasn't cool. I know they exist, but I really like most everything about them, down to the fact that they're deeply rooted in an eternal hate-fest with Alabama which I cannot hold against them, especially when they roll out the reverse Rammer Jammer, which is always the biggest troll job in college football. And War Eagle is the second best fight song in the nation, only behind the only song actually about drinking, gambling, and indoctrination. Tommy Tuberville was fun to hate as an LSU fan, but from an objective standpoint the whole cigar thing was something that just makes college football so damn awesome. The only thing I can really knock them for is their use of shakers.

So, now that I've opened up my closet, feel free to say what you need to say down in the comments. This is supposed to be fun. Let's have fun.