Playin' ..."Nice"... : College and Magnolia

So where does "family" sit in the Auburn Mascot Hierarchy? Before Tigers, Eagles or Plainsmen?

First of all, you're spelling it wrong (and therefore probably saying it wrong, too). It's "fambleh." Gotta put some Pat Dye stank on it.

During a really mediocre season, one of our eagles flew into our fambleh inside Jordan-Hare and nearly ate some kid's baby brother, so since we don't actually have a live Tiger prowling around campus, I'd say the eagle is sitting pretty at the top for now. Auburn fans should know the story behind "War Eagle," and if they don't they might as well go over to the school down the road that's got its own mascot identity crisis going on—what with the algae water and the elephant with an oversized pituitary gland.

Any chance y'all might bring the Eagle to fly around Tiger Stadium? I mean, I wouldn't let it tailgate too much beforehand, but it could be pretty cool...

This is a 2:30 game on CBS, correct? Which means that if we let either of our eagles fly, Verne will absolutely mispronounce its name and Gary will immediately use that as a segue to talk about Tim Tebow—as if he needs one. So, maybe when they're both retired.

If LSU's win streak over Auburn in Tiger Stadium was a person, it would almost be eligible for a driver's license. What car should we get it?

Well I don't know how many tries it took to get your learner's permit last year, but judging from the 41-7 beatdown in JHS, I'd say you were driving a Ford (Fix or Repair Daily)...but I don't need Denis Leary shouting at me about fuel efficiency for this one.

Your best bet is probably a compact car, or maybe even a motorcycle. Anything that can hide in a regular-sized parking space behind a truck and give false hope to someone in a hurry to pick up their to-go order from Applebee's at the mall. Seems like Auburn just keeps circling the parking lot (except in 2011 when we smashed into the cement column of your defense because we let Clint Moseley behind the wheel), and right as we're about to squeak into that seemingly empty spot right by the elevator...DEAD GUMMIT, SOMEONE PARKED THEIR FREAKIN' FIAT 500 THERE.

Do you have a favorite roll of toilet paper?

Four, actually.

I saved one from the night we won the BCS National Championship against Oregon and another from Kick Six. The third was one of those freakin' industrial-sized rolls that some SAE probably took outside with him from SkyBar the night we beat y'all in 2010. I don't know how throwing that thing into a crowd wasn't considered terrorism, but somehow it rolled past my feet that night, so my buddies and I wrapped our friend Kyle in it like a mummy for fun. I think he caught shingles after that. The fourth is a hypothetical roll of Charmin Ultra Soft I keep to wipe away the salty tears of Bama fans who don't want to be our rival anymore.

Who do you think Bobby Lowder will hire next when he fires Gus for making too much eye contact during a handshake, or something like that?

If I remember correctly, Les Miles shook Gustav's hand in 2013 and called him "Gene," and then he tried to be cool like he didn't call him Gene, but he definitely called him Gene, so to to that I say

So if Jeremy Johnson doesn't improve, do you think Giant Video Board is next in line? Seems like road games would be challenging.

That freakin' scoreboard...

That thing is bigger than the White House, and a giant radioactive Peyton Barber destroying secondaries in crystal clear HD is still not enough to get our fans to look up from their iPhones while they tweet about how hella big that scoreboard is. I used to have an office on the 9th floor of Haley Center, and I could see the old video board from my window, which I thought was just fine. Maybe after we win the Iron Bowl this year, we can display all of the salty Gump tweets about rivalries in stunning HD with a split screen of Kick Six on repeat.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯