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Aw hell guys, anybody know who we are playing this week?
/thumbs through schedule
Holy shit balls, it's Auburn week. Fuck if I wasn't so blinded with skull splitting rage I totally god damned forgot why I generated all this hate. Fuck Auburn. Fuck Chaz Ramsey. Let's do this god damned thing.
Really Bad Gus Pinhead Malzahn
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This Week in Stats
Analyzing the Weekend Forecast
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New year, same old story. That bastard is still to blame. #IBLAMECHAZ
"Don't Push It... Or I'll Give You a War You Won't Believe"
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Hot New Album
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Jefferson Gone Ballistic
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Jeremy Johnson Mountain (of Turnovers) Man
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Sgt. Slaughteron
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UH TENNNNNNN SHUN!
Aw-rite, Mag-its! You lissen up and you lissen up wellllll.
Tigers. War Eagles. Plainsmen. More like AW-BRUN Puuuukes, if you ask meeeeee. I can't even imagine what you are dealing with right now AW-BRUN. You are going to walk into the valley of shadow of deattthhhhh and stare into our Tiger eyes... yes, REALLLLL Tiger EYESSSSSSS and you will be found wanting.
That's right, AW-BRUNNN, tomorrow afternoon will be your judgement day. You think you look just like us but in different colors. Helmets and shoudler pads. Tigers of the same stripe. But what I see is AW-BRUNNN SLIMMMMEEEE. WHAT I SEE.... ARE IMPOSTORS. FAKES.
You are nothing but a bunch of garbage eating, soul-sucking wannabes. When I look at you, I'm EM-BARE-ASSED to have to call you a rival. You aren't our ri-vull, you AW-BRUN SCUM. TWO-MAR-ROW you will be nothing more than live tackling dummies. Pack your bags, Mag-its!
And THAT'S...
AN ORRRDDURRRRRRRR!
Kristi Swiped Right
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ON THE BALL! ON THE BALL! ON THE BALL!
Les For President
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Every President gets a Secret Service name. We asked Les Miles what his preferred name would be. He sent back a list:
Ringo
Fescue
Garden Gnome
Hitachi
Grapefruit Juice
- .... . / .... .- -
Bleep Bloop Bloop Bloop Blop
Turdburger
Elyria
Flatuence
Victory
Want
Thud
EVERYBODY ABOARD THE GUS BUS!
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THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE LESPUBLIC
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Mine eyes have seen the glory
Of the coming of the Hat
He’s stamping out the victims
One by one he lays them flat
Try to step to him and he will put you on the mat
The Hat is Marching On
Counter, power, iso, trap
He runs them all damn day
He’s gonna run the football
Because that’s just how we play
Buckle up your chinstraps
Cuz he's gonna make you pay
The Hat is Marching On
Glory, Glory LESSSS MIIIIILLLESSSSSS
Glory, Glory LESSSS MIIIIILLLESSSSSS
Glory, Glory LESSSS MIIIIILLLESSSSSS
THE
HAT
IS
MAR
CHING
ON!
Fuck you, Auburn.
Good Tigers: 69
Bad Tigers: 0