Playin' ..."Nice"... : The Orange Whatever

1. So tell me John, has Syracuse prepared? Alerted the National Guard? Stockpiled food? Called in tankers of brown liquor? Honestly, there isn't even a joke here. I want to know that you're ready for what's coming.

We've definitely asked our fans (nicely) to actually show up to this one. We even told students' parents to join in in on the fun too (it's Parent's Weekend). Figured there should be an audience for either a) the most stunning upset of our time, or b) the brutal homicide that's likely to occur if/when LSU beats a team starting a walk-on QB. Brown liquor will be at the ready, regardless of outcome. Paper bags optional. I'll be drinking mine on the rocks out in California. At 9 a.m. local time.

2. Would you like the discuss the metaphysical implications of using a color as a mascot? Is Orange more physically descriptive of the program -- I mean New Jersey isn't THAT far away -- or more of a state of mind?

Orange is kind of a cult. Not in the same sense that those wacky characters over in College Station practice, however. But a cult nonetheless. We worship a much-ridiculed style of basketball defense, and a curmudgeon who would probably hate most of us if he met us in person. We play football indoors and then play basketball in that same building (and lacrosse too!). If you had to pick a color to describe the Syracuse football program, it just MIGHT be orange, if only for its own odd characteristics. It's not a primary color, but is seen plenty. It's loud, and often obnoxious. As many people love it and hate it, I'd assume. And our fans don't go to games so they can rake (orange) leaves. We're everything and nothing, all represented by a fuzzy, anthropomorphic piece of fruit with a nose (for some reason).

3. As the host of people from a place where air conditioning is basically the fifth basic need, are you prepared to explain why the Carrier Dome doesn't have any?

THIS IS A QUESTION WE HAVE LITERALLY NEVER BEEN ASKED ABOUT BEFORE. EVER* To be honest, Central New York cools off by October and we don't typically spend the first month of the season at home. Once things get colder, the building is warmed by thousands of sweaty denizens counting down to basketball season, and the souls of dead gray bulldogs, because even hoops rivalries can't die and Georgetown has and always will suck. But prepare to sweat and suffocate in the cozy Carrier Dome confines. Part of our strategy is to make the air unbreathable, so consider it a courtesy that we're letting you know in advance.

4. How do you think Jim Boeheim plans to get ejected on Saturday?

That depends. Will you do any of the following?:

• Mention Denny's.
• Tell him to play more man-to-man
• Tell him that there's better Italian food out there than Delmonico's
• Mention Fab Melo's name
• Implicate him in a lawsuit
• Force him to eat grass... or what's left of grass on the quad
• Doubt Gerry McNamara as a basketball player

... Any one of these things can and will cause him to burst into a fit of rage worthy of an ejection in any building. If you collect all seven, you'll get a stamp for a free sub and a voucher for a commemorative bobblehead.