How To Football: Week 2

At the time of this writing, Virginia Tech has yet to be eviscerated by host defending champions Ohio State, but that doesn't mean that we can't start planning ahead to how we're going to soak in all the football in week two. It's an away week for LSU, so the football consumption shall be copious.

Again, if you're new to this, you'll need a TV and a laptop or second monitor. If you're not willing to commit to that then you just don't love football enough.

Louisiana Tech-Western Kentucky is the only game on Thursday...so I guess we'll watch it by default.

Friday isn't that much better, Miami goes to Florida Atlantic for whatever reason, and Utah hosts Utah State at 8. Go catch a high school game or something.

The Noon Daydrinking Shift on Saturday is better than it was last week, but that's not saying much. Florida State kicks the day off 30 minutes earlier than usual against South Florida for whatever reason, but I'm not mad about it. I'm never mad about it. The HARBAW Experience plays their first gig at The Big House Of Blues with a Mike Reilly-less Oregon State as the opening act. Tom Herman has his first true test as a head coach when Houston goes to llvll. The Cougars are probably not going to win, but I want to see what the revamped Cougar High offense will look like. Do some recon work for Syracuse and watch Penn State lose to Buffalo.

Every game worth noting on the Chortle Shift starts at 2:30 proper, but the games are still not great. Notre Dame is going to breeze by Virginia just as Georgia is going to crush Vandy. Ole Miss is likely to win, but I like Fresno to play them close for a half at the least. I believe that honesty is the best policy, so I'm going to lay it right on you: Washington State and Rutgers is going to be bad. Really bad. But sometimes bad football is good for the soul, like chicken noodle soup. Tulane and Georgia Tech has an interesting angle because both schools have found life after SEC and went in two opposite directions.

The Adult Diaper Shift is slightly more solid, with Oklahoma and Tennessee leading up to Oregon and Michigan State, which will by far be the best game of the weekend. A rematch of the Birmingham Bowl featuring East Carolina and Florida. Fresh off of a big upset of Penn State, Temple travels to Cincinnati to play in Nippert at night, which is always interesting. Also, Memphis is going to whip Kansas. Place money on that result.

The Bells Will Be Ringing Shift is obviously headlined by LSU and Mississippi State, but there's a lot of interesting games here too. Much has been made about LSU losing their practice lap against McNeese, but Mississippi State had their hands full with Southern Miss while we were drying off. I think not only will we be alright, we will see a hell of a game. I can't wait to watch Boise and BYU in the background of LSU-State because that has a promise to keep the nightcap interesting. UCF goes all the way out to The Farm to seal the day since Hawai'i plays Ohio State. No, there is no ALOHA FRIENDS this week. San Jose and Air Force rounds out the day.

This is not the letter of the law, you can watch what you want how you want. This is all just suggested. But they are good suggestions, are they not?