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How To Football: Week 13

CRY HAVOC AND LET SLIP THE DOGS OF WAR, IT’S RIVALRY WEEK

Week 13. Thanksgiving. You know what that means.

Friendsgiving Shift

There are three more #MACtion games this year and they’re all on at once, so put your eyeballs to good use and observe it, because it’s gone after this.

We’re Not Texas Shift

Seriously. Don’t make us do this again, Aggy. We will not wear this orange shirt and we will certainly not call you sensei.

So glad this is the last year of this shit.

Black Friday Shift

With every Black Friday comes a “full” slate of games, and if you think the Saturday nooners are bad, hoooooo boy.

Houston hammered Louisville on Tuesday to remind us that Houston is extremely talented and has a terrific head coach at the helm. This week, however they draw Memphis with nothing really on the line as Navy has already clinched the division title. Memphis has already punched their ticket to a bowl game, so really this is probably going to be a systematic by the numbers win by Houston. Probably.

Moving into the power five conference, UNC does have a lot to play for. For the Tar Heels to have a shot at a rematch with Clemson, they have to beat NC State and get some help with Virginia beating Virginia Tech. Both UNC and NC State have had up and down years, with North Carolina looking like a really good team outside of two clunkers, one of which was played in a monsoon. NC State also beat Notre Dame in that same monsoon, and after playing Clemson tight we though the Wolfpack could be sneakily good.

Arkansas may have lost The Boot, but that’s ok because they have another border trophy with Missouri, this one looking worse than before. Don’t Google it.

Apple Cup Pie Shift

Remember the 2008 Apple Cup, so dubbed the “Crapple Cup”?

We’re a long way away from that. Both Washington State and Washington possess one lone loss in the PAC-12, and the winner of this game plays in the PAC-12 Championship. Yes, the Washington State team that lost to Portland State can represent the PAC-12 North. What a time.

Meanwhile Charlie Strong’s swan song takes place as Texas plays TCU, because that’s the same as A&M-Texas. I’m not saying that Strong will be fired before he can even get off of the field if they lose, but I am saying that it would be an incredibly Texas thing to do.

Meanwhile, Western Michigan as secured their place in the MAC Championship, but they’re still trying to row the boat into the backwaters of the College Football Playoff committee to personally fight every single one of them for not including the Broncos in the playoffs.

Nebraska-Iowa and Louisiana Tech-Southern Miss are also on.

Leftover Turkey Sandwich Shift

Texas Tech will not go bowling without the assistance of APR even if they beat Baylor, but they’re still keeping their head coach. Cincinnati will probably not, even if they beat Tulsa. This shift is boring, just take your nap here.

Food Coma Shift

Arizona and Arizona State. 2-9 and 5-6. Continue your nap.

*ichigan and Ohio Shift

Michigan and Ohio State may not be the best rivalry in college football, but damn if it’s not the pettiest. Ohio, as Michigan fans refer to them, have already began striking any instance of the letter “M” from campus in hopes of their mind games giving them an edge and winning a pair of golden pants. This is the game that GameDay has chosen to be their game of the week, and it may end up being a de facto quarterfinal playoff game, if not a preview of a semifinal. It could happen. Michigan has been rolling along at a S&P+ Percentile of 99.3%, only bested by The Alabama while Ohio State has posted a lowly 98%. Michigan still edges out Alabama for the best defense in the nation according to S&P+, but Ohio State holds the advantage in terms of offensive production, 14 to 25. So what I’m saying is be prepared for a last second field goal in a 13-10 game.

This shift is also home to Clean, Old Fashioned Hate, which is on the SEC Network to the dismay of many a Georgia Tech fan. Elsewhere, Virginia Tech can lock up a trip to the ACC title game with their 13th straight win over their archrival Virginia. There’s also the Commonwealth Cup between Kentucky and Louisville, which will end greatly for a declining Kentucky team facing a pissed of Louisville.

Ahrn Bowl Shift

Oh like Alabama isn’t going to win.

The real story here is that once again, the Egg Bowl will determine bowl eligibility, but only because Mississippi State got good grades.

Also: Notre Dame is 4-7.

EDIT: ADAM IS A LAMESTREAM FOOTBALL VIEWER MINI-SHIFT

PodKATT here. Oh look, Adam’s trying to make himself seem like a man of diverse football tastes. MACtion mention? Check. Late Night Hawaii game? Check. Well, this is my website, and I’m damn sure not going to let you all miss out on THE BEST GAME BEING PLAYED THIS WEEKEND.

For the first time since it’s inception in 1974, both Grambling and Southern will enter The Bayou Classic Undefeated in FCS play. The Western division and a spot in the SWAC championship game next weekend are on the line, but this game always means so much more than that. If nothing else, tune in to see Southern RB Lenard Tillery, who this season became the SWAC’s all-time leading rusher. Kickoff is at 4pm on NBCSN.

Or just tune in at halftime and watch The Human Jukebox

Is There Any Pecan Pie Left? Shift

Colorado (COLORADO) has locked up a place in the PAC-12 Championship Game, provided that they beat Utah. No pressure. Florida and Florida State finally can put an end to their subtweet wars in Jimbo’s last game at Doak.

:(

The Last Regular Season Shift

...is pretty light. Like, really light. We get Craig Bohl’s Wyoming and New Mexico. If the Cowboys can pull it off, then they will steal the Mountain West Mountain division. Then we get Utah State and BYU.

Gonna be honest, it’s just not the same without being able to bask in the light of our sweet summer child: