So Dave Aranda has a brand new contract and a fancy new Associate Head Coach title, in addition to being to being defensive coordinator. He is now, of course, the highest paid assistant coach in college football, and while his offensive counterpart at LSU may pass him up shortly, for now he should celebrate his baller status.
So what does the highest paid assistant coach in college football buy? I have no idea. However, between flooding and assorted employment challenges over the last year and a half, I can easily think of a few ideas:
For about $8,000, scout those bowl opponent protections in the finest of comfort. This thing will basically massage your entire body, AND it’s voice activated. There are full-body options, heated massage rollers, an airbag massage and even a 3D Mechanical Massage, which sounds awesome.
Oh, and it reclines too!
I mean the chair’s gonna relax you some, so how about a jolt to keep the film session moving. I bet he could even share this with Coach O. Only a smooth $20K.
Okay, maybe this is just to make Director of Football Ops Derek Ponamsky jealous... Still, this 60-footer features a master stateroom with a queen bed, guest cabin with two twin beds — separate bathrooms for each room of course — a galley with a cooktop, fridge and icemaker.
Look, coaches have to travel for recruiting, and they’ll still need to use the phone. Naturally, the responsible thing is to use a hands-free getup in the car. But...should you accidentally forget to take it off when you stop at that five-star linebacker’s house...hey dress to impress, right?
Tetris has a really calming effect on some people. Lets you find your zen.
I mean, you never know when you’re going to stop by the Box and take in a game during the spring.
Jim Harbaugh and Brian Kelly can show up at recruits’ houses in all the team-branded big-rigs they want. Let’s see them top this bad boy.
H/T to Tiger Rag’s Cody Worsham for the inspiration on this’n.