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How To Football: Week 11


Happy Election day, my dudes. Before you football, go out and exercise your right to vote. If you do, you can row the boat tonight!


Can you BELIEVE the disrespect that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are giving Western Michigan and PJ Fleck by holding their election during the Broncos game against Kent State? Oh, the boat will be rowed. This will be the most vigorous rowing since Washington crossed the Delaware. Eastern Michigan and Ball State on The Forbidden Channel.

Return of the MACtion Shift

Toledo and NIU are trying to keep pace with Western in the MAC West, and the loser here is all but eliminated from the race. Bowling Green-Akron has significantly less impact, but it will still probably be stupid fun, because that’s what MACtion is here for.

Vape Road Shift

First off, I have an un-explainable soft spot for the University of North Carolina athletics that I think is based in the fact that they have one of the best color combinations ever and almost all of their uniform sets are perfect 10/10’s, but Duke is coming out with some fire for the game against their archrivals. As far as the actual game...North Carolina has lowkey been one of the better teams in college football this year, close game against Georgia and egg against Virginia Tech notwithstanding.

ULL and Georgia Southern serve as filler until the late night shift begins with some Thursday Night PAC-12 After Dark when Utah, another team that I have an unknown affinity for, plays host to Arizona State. The Utes are trailing Colorado still but they still have to play the Buffs, so right now it’s all about just keeping pace and playing out for the season-ending matchup to see who represents the PAC-12 South in the championship game.


There is only one game on Friday night, and it’s just Noles and Dudes man. Noles and Dudes. What’s better than that? Boston College, Dude Central, is trying to get bowl eligible against Florida State, UConn, and Wake Forest.

Who Wants To Be An SEC East Champion? Shift

First off, thank you TCU and Boomer Sooner.

We all knew that Tennessee and Kentucky would be a huge game in the SEC East race, but none of us knew that it would be Tennessee trying to play spoiler and Kentucky trying to stay alive for a berth in Atlanta. So that’s good and fun, and-oh my god who gave Kentucky glue NO STOOPS WE DO NOT-WE DO NOT-EAT THE GLUE. On the flip side of the coin, South Carolina and Will Muschamp takes his merry band of big dumb football playing chickens to the Swamp for a homecoming of sorts and he can really send the SEC East into a freefall by pit maneuvering (division-leading) Florida into a wall.

On the other side of the conference, Mississippi State just got uppity and decided to do our duty and knock Texas A&M from their playoff perch, so now their hubris will be checked against The Alabama. The lesson is never try, State.

Much like North Carolina, Penn State has quietly had a really good year outside of a beating from Michigan and a narrow loss to Pitt, slowly making their way inside the top 10 of Bill C’s S&P+ rankings (nine). That will be put to the test when they play team chaos, Indiana in Bloomington. West Virginia and Texas is a fine alternate.

The State Of Georgia’s Oldest Rivalry Shift

You can like it or not, but now all that stands between Alabama and another SEC Championship besides Mississippi State is Auburn. Auburn, which needs to beat Georgia to stay alive in the SEC West. This is fine. Everything is fine.

Meanwhile in ACC land, Pitt Narduzzi tries his luck against Dabo Valley and Paul Johnson tries to establish dominance over Justin Fuente and his much more talented Virginia Tech team in a game that is not on Thursday night for some inexplicable reason.

Rest of the shift is kinda doodoo: Wisconsin beating up on Illinois and Ohio State U (Ohio) beating up on Under Armour U, while Okie Light does the same to Texas Tech.

We Call It The Boot Shift

Arkansas has two big wins over LSU in a row, and it should be three but you can’t help but feel that the Alabama Hangover was a major factor in those losses. So under a new regime, it will be interesting to see how LSU takes the field in Fayettenam Saturday night. LSU is head and shoulders the better team, but Arkansas plays tough football and if you’re not interested in the game you can get blown off of the ball.

GameDay is going to Seattle for USC-Washington. Although possessing three losses, USC is hanging firm inside of the top 15 of S&P+ (13th). It’s easy to look at the parenthesis next to USC’s name and dismiss this as an easy win for the Huskies, but forgive me if I don’t think Washington has the same laser-like focus from week to week that Alabama has in terms of not taking teams for granted. However I think the presence of GameDay will make them wake up to the fact that USC is not to be taken for granted.

Wake Forest, god bless their souls, already confirm their bowling status at 6-3 and that’s a very good thing because they end with Louisville, Clemson, and Boston College. You made it, Deacons. Just try and weather this storm and then enjoy the bowl.

In a more hearty setting, Iowa tries to avoid .500 against Michigan. The operative word there is “try”. 3.55 million this year y’all.

Ole Miss-Texas A&M is now a game where both teams are short their starting quarterback and that’s taken a lot of shine off of this game, more than Ole Miss’ lack of defense or losing to Mississippi State did.

USF and Memphis should be fun though! Maybe.

Hippies And Pirates Shift

Cal and Washington State. I type this disclaimer every week, but this week it has an extra twist: I cannot tell you what will happen in this game, but Cal (AND Washington State) are playing in this game, so you should watch it. It will be drunker than you are.

Colorado, DIVISION LEADING COLORADO, draws downright awful Arizona and there’s some G5 scraps to enjoy in Colorado State-Air Force and New Mexico-Utah State.