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BIG. GAME. PREVIEW.: LSU vs. Mississippi State 2016

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Bulldogs are mostly worthless.

Resident football expert here. BIG. GAME. PREVIEW. is the most in-depth, comprehensive analysis you will need for this week’s matchup with Mississippi State Cow Bell Dongers Bulldogs. The past two years, these two teams have had a couple of knockdown drag outs with dramatic finishes, which is a bit unusual for LSU fans. LSU has been kicking the ever living shit out of Mississippi State since the beginning of time. Seriously, in 1896 they dropped a 50 burger on the Bulldogs and didn’t allow a single point. That is how this “rivalry” started. LSU has won 69 (nice) more times since then. Mississippi State has beaten LSU once in the 21st century and only four times total since the year I was born. You really can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

I Love Les Miles

I miss the old Les Miles,
The 4th and go Les Miles,
Have a great day Les Miles,
Run a trick play Les Miles
I hate the new Les Miles,
The stiff dew Les Miles
Don’t throw the ball Les Miles,
Slow to a crawl Les Miles
I miss the fun Les Miles,
Throw from the gun Les Miles
I used to love Les Miles,
I used to love Les Miles

FOUND: Dan Mullen’s Top Jobs List

HE HAS RISEN

Verily, verily I say unto you, before Brandon Harris was, I am.

Verily, verily, I say unto you, Ye seek me, not because ye saw the miracles, but because ye did eat of the loaves, and were filled.

Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of Danny.

Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.

Hot Take Rater

Good hot takes don’t exhibit any degree of measured response. For it to be a true hot take, a real scorcher, it needs to come across like that drunk dtr you had with your ex-girlfriend. It’s a bundled mess of sincerity and horrible decision making.

Points for forecasting a loss, but what really ramps this up is the implied domination and embarrassment. This is a good, solid hot take.

Fashion #taeks live in their own category, but this one dances with football considering the Gridiron Gold for this weekend. It’s a faux pas, but I think universally agreed upon, thus reducing this take to merely simmering.

Logo talk? Check. Favoring Toonces? Check. Dissing the block L? Check. Yeah, it’s a scorcher.

The LSU offense seems to routinely re-define their own lows, so I’m sure half the fanbase would love this idea and the other half would talk about how Les has lost it. So, pretty much business as usual, then.

I refuse to even rate these takes as they are both factually incorrect.

They are bad. But “lukewarm garbage” is disgusting and worthy of flames.

I consider this the double whammy of takes. Not only does the take tear down a rival conference, it also insinuates the stupidity of our own coach to hire said dominator of rival conference expecting greatness. A true take master.

Do You Even Read, Bro?

Stranger Things

TELL ME ABOUT BULLDOGS & COWBELLS

I cannot argue this fact. They also live comparatively short lives mostly due to respiratory issues. Essentially the perfect mascot for their football team, which, when watching, is often like drowning above sea level.

Cowbells are trash.

#Mississippi

It’s Mississippi State hate week and I still feel compelled to yell GEAUX TO HELL OLE MISS.

That’s not a very nice thing to say about Jackie Sherrill.

BIG. GAME. SLIDESHOW.

HIGHWAY TO THE DANGER ZONE

Two years ago Dak Prescott and company rolled up into Baton Rouge like a bunch of hellions and actually pulled off a stunner. But hey, two years ago we thought Brandon Harris was the QB of the future, no questions asked. Things change, men.

I appreciate that Dan Mullen is toiling away trying to make a bad situation good, but do we really think this program is any more than the shooting star that was Dak Prescott? They had their fun. They had their run. And now, it’s back to being Mississippi State.

Tomorrow night, LSU unleashes the arsenal and will have their first 300 yard passer since, well, Brandon Harris last year. We’re done toiling around with petty performances and miserable offense. Time to drop some bombs.

LSU 44

MSU 9