We regret to inform our readers that Auburn Hate Week has been cancelled. In this era of increased sensitivity for the feelings of others and trying to take a stand against bullying, the staff here at ATVS has decided that it just wouldn’t be right to spread more hatred over the internet, even at such a richly deserving target as Auburn.
So, in lieu of our annual “I Hate Auburn” post, we have decided instead to promote good feelings and comity among the two fan bases, and instead talk about the things we like about Auburn. We apologize to our readers for the change in editorial direction, and hope you understand.
First off, who doesn’t love former Auburn quarterback Dameyune Craig? Craig shows off his deep love of the Tigers by coaching the wide receivers, and even helping out with the quarterbacks. He’s an up and coming coach who has renounced the False Tigers and now found his home here in Baton Rouge, like a reasonable human being. We wish him all the success in the world, so long as he’s still on our staff.
I love the hard work and dedication that Auburn defenders put in to making Leonard Fournette’s highlight reel so spectacular. We had made the Herschel Walker comparisons in our heads, but then Auburn helpfully allowed Fournette to live out that fantasy in an actual game. That was quite generous, and we appreciate it.
Sometimes, the LSU-Alabama rivalry gets a little out of hand. There’s been some unfortunate incidents among the fans taking things too far. So it’s nice to know that when things get a little too heated between our fanbases, we can step back and find common ground in our mutual loathing of Auburn. It’s really special the way Auburn can unite SEC fans together in one common cause.
Let’s also take a moment and thank God for Auburn kickers. I know kickers aren’t the toughest guys on the team, but it was the height of comedy to see Damon Duval lose a fight to the band. We enjoyed his commitment to the art of comedy. Speaking of funny, remember when John Vaughn missed five kicks in one game, including one in overtime, to secure an Auburn loss in 2005? We should send that guy a flower arrangement or something.
This hit. Auburn gave us this hit. Well, they received the hit anyway.
I have a cigar currently sitting in my humidor, waiting to be enjoyed after an LSU victory. Thanks, Auburn, for inspiring an annual victory cigar at your demise. I hope the photograph was worth it.
Philip Lutzenkirchen. No joke here. You have more than ten letters in your last name and play hard-nosed football, we’ll love you, too. RIP.
Auburn inspires epic trash talk. Leonard Fournette usually lets his play do the talking, but even he makes an exception for Auburn. And when he does, it is glorious.
We don’t Bring Back the Magic without Auburn. Still the greatest game I have ever or will ever attend, watching Troy Twillie pick off that pass and secure victory was one of the all-time great sporting events. Thanks Auburn, for help ending the Dark Ages and bringing about the Golden Age of LSU football. Remember, this was all built on the foundation of beating Auburn.
Bonus points that Auburn calls that game the “Whistle Game,” displaying a truly unparalleled ability to whine about a play in the second quarter. Hey, we’ll spot you the safety, you still lose by four, y’all. Any time I think a fan is being unreasonable or complaining too much about something, I think of the “whistle Game” and smile about the high standard y’all have set on that front.
I don’t know about you, but I love the Gus Bus. I’ve enjoyed the offensive genius of Gus Malzahn, in particular the Heisman campaign of Jeremy Johnson. I look forward to future Heisman campaigns just like that one.
I love that Auburn took Kevin Steele off of our hands. Les Miles certainly had no plans to fire him, so it seemed we were stuck with a defensive coordinator who aspired to mediocrity. Luckily, mediocre would spell improvement for Auburn’s defense, so they happily gave Steele an offer he couldn’t refuse. Really, we couldn’t be more appreciative.
One more Fournette gif, because sometimes, you just gotta dance. Or get flipped into the bleachers.
Auburn is the only team which could inspire the most lethargic animal on earth, Uga, into action. The fact Uga tried to bite an Auburn player during a game is still one of the most fantastic things that has ever happened during an SEC football game.
You also have to be impressed by Auburn’s near shameless lack of familiarity with the NCAA rulebook. Auburn has been slapped with major infractions an SEC-record seven times. Managing to become the most penalized team in SEC history is quite an accomplishment, given the competition. And they didn’t even get tagged for Cam Newton. They’ve gotten so good at off-field corruption that you can’t even be mad, you just have to tip your cap and respect the hustle.
When NCAA reform does come, we’ll know Auburn has done their part. Pay for play is slowly coming to the NCAA, a good fifty years after it arrived at Auburn. Auburn has given us a model for the future of compensation for athlete compensation, and for that, we salute you.
I love this graphic, so thanks for this one, Auburn:
We appreciate you, Auburn. The most sneaky good program on the Plains.