You can't judge an apple by looking at a tree,
You can't judge honey by looking at the bee,
You can't judge a daughter by looking at the mother,
You can't judge a book by looking at the cover.
Oh can't you see,
Oh you misjudge me...
Last 10: 6-4
Last Game: 38-21, LSU
That last 10 is some unacceptable garbage. When this century began, along with it the Golden Age of LSU Football, LSU won seven of the first eight games played, including six in a row. Then in 2008 and 2009, LSU didn’t just lose to Ole Miss, the Tigers lost to Ole Miss in consecutive seasons. Now, that is some BS. Ole Miss also won consecutive games at the tail end of last century, winning three whole games in a row. It was their first multi-game winning streak in the series since 1968-69. We went a good three decades without losing consecutive games to Ole Miss, and now we’re staring down the barrel of going 5-5 in our last 10 against them, if we don’t take care of business this Saturday. So take care of business. Because some things are just unacceptable.
by Paul Crewe
Best Party. Ole Miss keeps insisting they never lose a party, but it turns out there is no award for party throwing. I just checked. They are making things up. Their Party Award is as meaningful as their SEC West Co-Champs banner.
Devin White. White now has 77 tackles, first among all Power 5 players. He also has 7.5 TFL and 2 PBU, just for kicks. He could use an interception or something, or any sort of statement play, but he has played his way into SEC Defensive Player of the Year consideration. He’s also somehow getting better. He still, however, is not listed on the Butkus Award watch list, maybe because they are afraid Devin might find them and kill them in their sleep. Devin White is henceforth ineligible for SEC Player of the Week honors, as White being awesome is now simply assumed.
HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDE
by Paul Crewe
Familiarize yourself with some of Ole Miss’ biggest playmakers or guess which SEC program these players will transfer to once the NCAA doles out its punishment.
QB1. Definitely Auburn. They are already a halfway house for redemption story quarterback, so why not let Shea turn it loose for a division rivalry. Shea Patterson could be the first player in NCAA history to have losses to LSU while starting for two different teams. Making history! Is his brother still part of the signing package?
LT. Little pushed back his decision date to take an official visit to Alabama. They are an obvious leader in the clubhouse, but he also fielded Jeff Grimes for a visit. LSU swoops in and steals one from the Rebels based entirely on need. Alabama already has it’s left tackle of the future.
WR. He got his payday from the Rebs and now he can go back home (Starkville) and play his final year in front of his family.
Everyone thought the former 5-star was headed to Alabama out of high school, so it won’t surprise when he decides to get a year of NFL polish in Tuscaloosa. They will subsequently gray shirt him and sign 14 more 5-stars.
POSEUR’S OLD MAN RANDOM 10+1
The trusty iPod went back of the library this week, which I rather enjoy. It’s like Guy was lost in the stacks and just started pulling out random songs under piles of dust. We get to the point early, as Guy plays One in Ten, letting us know the proper number of times LSU should lose to Ole Miss. Not four in ten. One. We go to Guns ‘n Roses deep cut that’s a deep cut for a reason before one of the few Frightened Rabbit songs that was almost a hit. Sorry, iPod, LSU will still wear white. Or maybe that was the transition to start talking to Ole Miss fans instead of LSU. Because they will be buried in the turf, will most assuredly eat it, and then need a map to find the end zone. Then, finally, those strange babies will walk home alone.
Are you talking to me?!
by Paul Crewe
Welcome to Ranked!, ladies and gentleman. This will be a new weekly segment on BGP where I put together a comprehensive list of some impressive feats by our upcoming opponent. As always, here at BGP we strive to give you the most detailed breakdown of this weekend’s game.
With that, I give the list of Ole Miss SEC Championship Game appearances:
Shea Patterson is such a stereotypical Ole Miss name that I’m surprised he wasn’t admitted to the school immediately after birth. I guess they had to wait to make sure he ended up with a stupid haircut. Mission accomplished, as Patterson is the Ole Missiest Ole Miss player who has ever Ole Missed. But it takes more than being the Generic Brand X to win the Mingo. Our winner this week is Sincere David, which sounds like a descriptor of a really earnest guy named David. It’s the last name which could also double as a first name that seals it. If the football thing doesn’t work out, he’s going to play guitar in an emo band.
Someone get him a copy of The Promise Ring’s back catalog, stat.
OOTD: OLE MISS
by Christina Stephens
Christina is tired and hopes you wear those baby blue helmets in hell, which is where you should go.
Yeah, LSU won its last two games, but neither of those teams were any good. OVERRATED. Florida is a dumpster with a tire fire at quarterback, and LSU needed a missed extra point to win that one. How lucky can you get? That’s the only thing Coach O learned from Miles, how to get lucky. Then they beat an Auburn team coached by a coach that is an even bigger moron than O. And they needed a flukey punt return to do it. But now LSU actually has to play a quarterback who can competently throw the ball ahead of the line of scrimmage, and he’ll expose DBU as the empty slogan that it is. Patterson is going to throw for somewhere between one and two million yards. Mark my words. LSU’s run of luck runs out.
by Paul Crewe
Even though I'm no more than a monster - don't I, too, have the right to live?
You thought he’d forgotten? It’s been 10 years, but these wounds are still fresh. They aren’t festering, boiling over nor infected. No, they’ve been meticulously cared for to preserve their utmost pain. For 10 years he’s waited for this moment. You caged a wild animal and poked and prodded him. You took a wild boy and tried to put him in a seersucker suit. What did you expect would happen?
But he’s back. And this time he’s bringing an army. Not just an army, a family. Because Coach is home now. And we’re coming with him.
They told you vengeance belongs to god alone, but they lied. Because we are the owners and proprietors of retributive justice. Be warned, Ole Miss. On Saturday night, your disgraced leader returns and he’s bringing a true rebellion like you’ve never seen. We’re coming, Landsharks. You ready?
Ole Miss 3