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BIG. GAME. PREVIEW. 2017: LSU vs. FLORIDA

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BIGGER AND GAMIER THAN EVER

The Show must go on

The Show must go on

I'll face it with a grin

I'm never giving in

On with the show


SERIES RECORD

by Poseur

Record: 28-32-3

Last 10: 6-4

Last Game: I honestly don’t remember. Did we play last year?

This year marks the 10th anniversary of the Jacob Hester game and the 20th anniversary of the biggest upset in Tiger Stadium history (LSU wins division). The 1997 game marked the end of Florida’ nine-game win streak in the series. It would take a few more years for the series to get competitive, as Florida would win the next four, all by double digits and three by at least 20 points. But even with that losing streak to kick things off post-1997, the series is deadlocked 10-10 in its last 20. Four of the last five games were decided by a single score.

This has turned into one of the bigger rivalries on LSU’s schedule, mainly because the two teams are usually really good, so the game has a lot of meaning for both teams and the SEC race. So what happens when both teams kinda suck? You get this weak week, as we go through the motions of trash talk. Man, we need to find the spark, if only to keep this game as a legit hate-filled rivalry.


JIM

by Paul Crewe


THE MINGO

by Poseur

Let’s not beat around the bush: CeCe Jefferson is a near perfect football name. If you had an automatic name generator to create generic football names, that’s one of the ones they would spit out. It’s just so perfect. It just sounds like a defensive lineman. I love everything about it. CeCe Jefferson should have been a fictional Nintendo athlete.

Welcome to the team.


OOTD: Florida

by Christina Stephens

Little is known about the uniforms for Saturday’s matchup between LSU and the Florida Gators. As of press time, the players’ looks remain completely mysterious – which is honestly fine because nothing matters anymore.

Paying an allegedly cupcake team nearly $1 million to beat you at Homecoming really puts life into perspective.

Does it matter if we lose to a team in orange helmets or one in matte blue?

Probably not.

Unless the helmets are solid chrome, in which case I still care very deeply.

Also: burn those alternate uniforms, melt the pale white helmets down, set fire to the white pants (after you remove the cool L patches). Let us never speak of this again.

As for Florida, while I have no proof that they’re wearing jorts as uniform pants and visors instead of helmets, I have no proof that they’re not.

Just kidding – extensive Instagram recon reveals that Florida’s dividing its stadium into blue and orange, requesting that fans don certain colors based on their seats.

Headed to #LSUvsUF? Check your section number & wear the appropriate color! #GimmeTheOrange #GimmeTheBlue

A post shared by Florida Gators Football (@gatorsfb) on

This supports the idea of an all color uniform. No white pants, no white jerseys. The good money is on blue and orange solid uniforms for Florida.

Florida’s blue jersey, white pants, orange helmet with its cursive “Gators” decal is a familiar classic to LSU fans, though it seems as likely as to appear for Saturday’s game as an LSU victory.


HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDE

by Paul Crewe

Familiarize yourself with some of Florida’s biggest playmakers*.

*Sorry, all of them are suspended for felony fraud.


AWARD WATCH

by Poseur

Ed Orgeron. Ed is up for the Shortest Tenure for a permanent head coach in LSU history. Now, this will be a hard one to win, even if we only count games as the permanent head coach. He was the permanent coach for the Louisville bowl game, so that puts him at six games right now. WS Moreland coached for one season in 1902, going 6-1. That’s a mere seven games. So in order to take the shortest permanent tenure title, Orgeron would have to resign right after this game. That’s not realistic, but I’m unwilling to bet against O setting a mark for futility. If we amend our criteria to the shortest tenure since World War I ended, he’s now up against Biff Jones, who coached 31 games from 1932-34. The shortest post-WWII tenure, believe it or not, is former Florida AD Bill Arnsparger, at 36 games. At 13 games right now, Orgeron is going to have to work to beat Arnsparger’s modern record.


BREAKING: COACH ALLEVA

by Paul Crewe

Joe Alleva recently met with the coaches to “put everything on the table.” Little else is known about what transpired during the meeting, but our sources close to the program indicate Alleva, in an unparalleled move, has officially appointed himself as Head Coach for the Florida game and possibly going forward.

While unconventional, I’m told all sides agreed this is the best possible step toward the future. Alleva will call his own plays on offense and defense. It’s been said he’s been studying football relentlessly for “weeks on end.”

The players, who were shaken by Alleva’s first change, which involved charging a nominal fee for entry into the practice field. Players will now also pay a small cost to rent their equipment and uniforms for the weekend.

Alleva declined comment but reports from inside LSU’s Athletic Administration Building are that he could be overheard mumbling to himself “I am the Popovich. I am the Walrus. I am the Popovich. I am the Walrus.”

Orgeron could not be reached for comment.


Poseur’s Random Old Man 10+1

by Poseur

I was going to use my plus one to spotlight Tom Petty, but the trusty iPod beat me to it, by genuinely shuffling to the best song in Tom Petty’s catalog almost right off the bat. Well done, Guy.

I would try to glean meaning from the song choices like I usually do, but I pretty much stopped once Guy shuffled to “Fuck the World.” Once you’ve hit gold, you stop digging. My iPod shuffle play gets me. It really does.


THE BEAVER

by Paul Crewe

h/t Billy Gomilla


Realistic Pessimism

by Poseur

You know, this bit was a lot funnier when LSU was actually good. Now, it just feels mean. I’m going to start drinking now.


ROAD WARRIOR

by Paul Crewe

I’m just here for the gasoline.

I get it. You’ve left us for dead for good this time. But do you have any idea what true desperation looks like? Have you ever trapped a rabid dog in a corner? Have you ever fought a man who has had everything taken away from him? We are wounded. We are bleeding. We are gasping for life.

But we ain’t dead yet.

If you think this is the part of the movie where we roll over and expire, you’d be sorely mistaken. No matter how many times you strike us down, we will just keep coming. Because that’s what we do. That’s what we stand for. That’s what we believe in. And trust us, Florida, we haven’t forgotten about last year. It’s time for some payback.