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How To Football: Week 11

ESPN knows what they’re doing with Washington...but I’m not clear what they’re doing with LSU.

So...11 AM kickoffs are a thing again for us, for reasons unknown, possibly even to the World Wide Leader. It’s dumb, but there is nothing we can really do about it right now. Just going to have to roll with the punches as they come, despite how stupid it is.

GameDay is being broadcast from Coral Gables for Catholics vs. Convicts, which doesn’t really matter to us because we’re going to be in the goddamn stadium for kickoff oh my god this is stupid.

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12 Days Of MACtion Shift

Fun fact: Today, November 7th, 2017 is Day 12 of 34 straight days where there is football on your television. I usually notice that before it starts, but better late than never I guess.

Tonight your MACtion samplings are Akron at THE Miami University of Ohio (OH) and Bowling Green at Buffalo. Not much going on in terms of what’s at stake, Akron and Bowling Green should win pretty easily.

Now that I said that, watch them not win “pretty easily”. That’s how this works.

Tuesday’s Gone (With The Win) Shift

On Wednesday night we go three wide with the #MACtion: Toledo-THE Ohio University of Ohio (OH), Kent State-Western Michigan, and the East-Central Michigan showdown.

The game between Toledo and Ohio is a meeting between MAC East and West leaders, but it’s not quite a preview of what we’ll get in Detroit either. Toledo is 8-1 and a perfect 5-0 in the MAC fresh off of a win over second place NIU. But a loss would put Toledo ahead of NIU only by virtue of a tiebreaker, which is less than ideal conditions for life in the MAC.

Meanwhile, Ohio is tied with Akron at 4-1 in conference, and those two teams have to play later down the line. So the reality of the situation is that this a big game in the MAC, but it’s a little bit more important for THE Ohio University of Ohio (OH) than it is for Toledo.

Calla Dooty Shift

Yikes. This is one of the worst Thursday nights of the year, if not the actual worst.

Back in August, hell yeah I was looking forward to that North Carolina-Pitt game and now? Yeah that might be relegated to background noise while I burn through the new Call of Duty campaign.

App State is still in the race for the Fun Belt title, and they get to pick off zombie Georgia Southern to hopefully easily bolster their position in the conference standings.

Remember NIU? They’re right there in the MAC West, and they draw the actual worst team in the MAC, Ball State.

Support Your Local Non-Select Team Shift

This shift is unimportant. You know what is important? Hitting the road and watching your local (and or Alma Mater) 6-4/5-5/4-6 high school play in the playoffs. For many of these kids this is the last time they’ll ever strap up and you should be there supporting them. And thanks to the select/non-select split, they get one more game to remember for the rest of their life. I’ll be in Sulphur for my Alma Mater Live Oak’s game, but I’ll there in an official capacity and will not be rooting for them. But you? You definitely should.

Also, you won’t miss anything in this shift.

Cosmic Brain Shift

Chris Peterson complains about the late kickoff, so ESPN cosmic-brains him and puts his Huskies on at the same time, but a day earlier. That way, when the media is waking up early on Saturday morning, boom, there is the end of the Washington-Stanford game. Oh wow, the Huskies won by 26! Man they look good this year.

See, Washington? The Worldwide Leader had a plan for you after all, unlike they do with LSU!


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Rise And Moonshine Shift


ugh ugh ugh.


If you’re not waking up at the asscrack of dawn to just get a proper buzz going, you have options for when you’re munching on bacon and eggs.

Oklahoma State and Iowa State...the dream is over for both of you and I am personally saddened greatly by this. But you can still win over the hearts of the people and give us a great game after the heartbreak last weekend provided.

Oh and uh, by the way if Michigan State beats Ohio State then they’re in direct command of the Big Ten East. In fact, they’ll likely win it because they get Maryland and Rutgers to end the season. So that’s a thing we may have to live with going forward. Ragnarok is possible.

NC State and Boston College might actually be good, but I’m not sold on the prospect of that. Outside of that, it’s your standard nooner fodder.

Deep South’s Oldest Bribery Shift

So the dream of this being the SEC Championship died a long time ago, but Auburn has a special bullet in the barrel.

Auburn beating Georgia does not eliminate them from the playoffs, but if Auburn pulls off the upset then another loss somewhere down the line, say, oh I don’t know, in the SEC Championship certainly would. That also means Alabama wins the SEC Championship and is in the playoffs unless Auburn wins the Iron Bowl. Which puts Auburn fans in a TERRIFIC position to watch the SEC Championship in.

Iowa is in no position to slide into the B1G Championship, but you have to think after last week Wisconsin fans are sweating the Hawkeyes coming into Camp Randall and blowing up their spot.

Elsewhere: West Virginia and Kansas State in a lowkey great matchup, SMU-Navy in a game of completely contrasting offenses, and yikes, Florida State and Clemson.

Catholics vs. Convicts (But The Catholics Are The Villains Now) Shift

I have no idea what to expect from this game, to be perfectly clear. I know how Notre Dame wants to play and I know how Miami has been getting it done and they kinda do the same way: unimpressively impressive. Both teams are talented, but not dominant in any single phase of the game. Because of this, I don’t know what to expect from this game.

And I’m excited because of that.

Last week, TCU and Oklahoma was a landmark game for the Big 12. Now, it’s just the first leg of the Big 12 Championship unless something drastic happens thanks to the tiebreaker over Oklahoma State and Iowa State wins out. Away goals!

Butch Jones hot-seat watch continues when the Vols travel to CoMo to play a dangerous Missouri. You like trainwrecks, right?

Elsewhere: Bama beating up Mississippi State, the Purdue-Northwestern slugfest.

PAC-12 Refs After Dark Shift

Well, three shifts out of four ain’t bad. Boise and Colorado State may be a good game in the MWC, but the best part about this shift is finally getting a chance to kick back with an old friend.