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TO COACH ORGERON!

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BEST DAMN SALESMAN IN THE DISTRICT

In the spirit of some of the um...more colorful...stories regarding Ed Orgeron on his day of days...

**Scene: Phil’s Oyster Bar in Baton Rouge, the site of many a recruiting discussion in Baton Rouge over the decades. Two men sit at the bar, each with a cold, frosty mug of beer in front of them.**

Boudreaux: I tell ya it was a helluva recruiting class today. That Ed Orgeron is a son of a bitch.

Thibodaux: BEST DAMN RECRUITER IN THE TERRITORY!

Boudreaux: You know he convinced Tyler Shelvin to sign after breaking his arm in an arm-wrestling match.

Thibodaux: No surprise. Orgeron he stands 5-foot-6 but he weighs and 285 pounds.

Boudreaux: He has a 34-inch waist and a 54-inch chest.

Thibodaux: I heard he once smuggled an elephant into Miami on a jet ski! That elephant went on to become known as Russell Maryland.

Both (loudly): TO EDWARD JIM ORGERON!

Thibodaux: You know I heard a video he recorded with Heather Locklear in 1987 was the basis for John Carpenter’s “The Return of Swamp Thing.”

Boudreaux: He did pushups with a live raccoon in his pants to show Patrick Willis what life is like in a fumble scrum.

Thibodaux: You know Coach O has a helluva appetite...

Boudreaux: He blends a whole ribeye into every protein shake!

Thibodaux: Exactly! So Coach O calls me one Friday and wants me to drive with him to Morgan City to check out some middle linebacker he’s after. On the way back we’re driving through a Popeyes and Orgeron demands to speak to the boss. They bring him in the manager and he shouts “I SAID GET THE BOSS ON THE PHONE!”

So they call up Al Copeland and Coach says “Al, I got this white gator in the back of the pickup, can you fry him up for me!” And Al says “you clean him, my people will fry it up and I’ll give you a year’s supply of biscuits!” So we skin the gator and fry him up and Al got a nice belt and a new pair of boots out of the deal. Ed ate all the biscuits in a month.

Boudreaux: I heard he took a shotgun blast standing to show Ethan Flatt how to take a sack.

Thibodaux: He spent eight weeks trying to recruit the Muppet Sweetums to Syracuse University in 1996. Animal later spent a month on the Orange practice squad.

Boudreaux: He squatted a grand piano in the Tuohys’ living room to recruit Michael Oher.

Thibodaux: HIS MIDDLE NAME IS JIM! I’M DRUNJ.

Boudreaux: Coach O once locked Pete Carroll inside the carcass of a hippopotamus for three days after an argument over who drank the last Red Bull in the office.

Thibodaux: His birth inspired John Fogerty to write “Bad Moon Rising!”

Boudreaux: Dennis Erickson had to talk him out of using a Cassowary as a defensive end against Notre Dame in 1990...